Mommyhood- An Update

Many of my posts throughout the years have been about trials and triumphs of being a mom. I am almost 10 years into this gig and still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. Every new phase is just that- NEW! Each day I enter uncharted territory hoping that I am doing right by my kids.

I look back at where I began as a mom up until this moment and I know that I am in a very sweet spot in life.

My kids are healthy (always the most important factor).
My kids want to be with us.
My kids sleep through the night (I still don't take that for granted even though it's been 6 years).
When I go to bed, I know where my kids are, asleep in their beds, and I know they will be there when I wake up.
I can read a book while they are there.
I can take a nap while they are there.
I can sleep in because they are self sufficient in the morning.
They make their own lunches.
The clean their own rooms.
They ride bikes, hike, swim...the list goes on.
They are gaining independence with every passing day.

This combination has made this my favorite time in Mommyhood. I rarely feel stressed when moving through the day. There are less unexpected things that can throw a mom off (you know, getting thrown up on while walking out the door).

I love this phase we are in. I know it won't last forever but I am cherishing it now. I know that we'll all be together on the weekends, instead of this kid going with this friend and that kid going with that friend. I know that when we have a family movie night, I will get cuddles and no one is trying to leave and be somewhere else.

I see how hard it is for moms who are now in the phases I've been in. I see how hard it is for moms that are in phases that are yet to come.

I'm loving the groove we are in. I know how hard it has been, I know how sweet it is now, and I know it will be hard again.

I am soaking it all in, every single day.

*** Please note that this post is about Mommyhood, which is my perspective. I realize some of it reads as though I am doing this on my own when I write "I" instead of "we". Josh is welcome to write a "Daddyhood" post. ***

Entering Adolescense

Do you recognize these guys? If not, you are welcome to visit Haley's bedroom where the small area over her bed is growing into the entire wall area.This is One Direction, the equivalent to my New Kids on the Block.

Why am I writing about this? Because Haley's love for this band is yet another sign that she is more of an adolescent than she is a little child. She is doing all of the things I used to do. These include:

• listening to the songs non stop 
• singing the songs non stop
• dancing to the songs non stop ( and I am sure imagining herself onstage with them like I did with New Kids)
• making fashion choices based on them- plaid shirts, jeans, converse high tops, suspenders (for me it was a black brim hat, overalls, and frosted pink lipstick)

As I observe Haley in this stage I cannot thank my parents enough for how I was treated during adolescence. They respected me and my phase of life.I was expected to keep my room clean, but it was my space to decorate and arrange anyway I wanted. New Kids posters started over my bed too and slowly expanded to every single wall and closet door. I loved being in my space.

My parents let me pick my fashion when I started having a style of my own. I chose appropriate clothing and although I am sure they didn't love all my choices, they bought them for me and I felt good in my skin. So, Mom and Dad, I hope that I can create the same comfort in Haley that you did for me. Adolescence is awkward and strange. You made me feel independent and let me explore and I thank you for that.

I think being raised that way has given me a sense of calm about this phase. I see myself in Haley (in more ways than one). The other day when I suggested we rearrange her room, which has been set up the same way since she was in a crib, her face lit up and she made all of the decisions. She asked if she could take a certain picture down and I assured her she had the power of choice- it was her space. 

I loved being in there with her as we moved things around. To me this was a sure sign that the change in her room represented a change in life. We went through her entire bookshelf and cleaned out all of the younger books, except for a few favorites. We rearranged the top of her desk. 

I did find myself taking a moment to recognize what was happening. I stared at Haley as she pinned up her boy band posters and pictures. I saw her for exactly who she is- a young lady entering a new phase of life. I don't know how our relationship will change but in that moment I felt completely connected to her. 

I loved that hour and a half being in her room with her. And, of course, loved hearing the songs of One Direction the entire time.

A Letter to My Family 2014

At the end of last year I wrote a letter to my family. You can read it here. I intend to write a letter at the end of each year.


From youngest to oldest...

Dear Buddy,
Welcome to our family! You've now been with us for almost 9 months and I must say it has been quite an adjustment. When you first came I was sure we made a mistake. Now, you have changed so much, we have adjusted and you are part of our family. We are all trying to make you feel more comfortable and not so scared of everything and you have come so far!. We often wonder what happened to you in the past and are so glad you are with us- a loving family. You have even turned the Russell men into dog people. Who knew it was possible? We love having you in our family.


Dear Ryan,
Like every year of your life, this has been a year of growth. You have become a reader and writer and continue to get better at both.I enjoy listening to you read and watching you get your thoughts down in writing. You have a passion for writing and creating books. Remember your New Years Eve activity that you put in a balloon?- "write your own book".  You are a fun and playful soul. You bring laughter and fun into any play time with friends, all family events, and especially our home. I appreciate that you try new things. I was impressed with your work in soccer, t ball and now basketball. I know you have learned some life lessons in the last year about being a good listener, following the rules and expectations at school, telling the truth, and being a good friend. I am proud that you internalize the lessons being taught and apply them to life. You have incredible manners and always have. Your sense of humor is unparalleled. Your enthusiasm for what you love (Buddy, wrestling, writing books) is admirable. I know how frustrated you get when we don't understand what you're trying to express. I want to make that better for you.You bring me such joy. I hope I am being the mom you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you. I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you.



Dear Haley,
You have grown so much this year. Not only are you taller (just inches below me!) you are learning those skills and lessons of an early adolescent. I love that you ask me questions about friendships and words or terms you don't know. I hope you are taking subconscious notice that everytime you say, "Mom, can I ask you a question?" I respond with, "You can ask me anything." because you can- always.  I CANNOT believe you have been on this earth for 10 years next month. I am so proud that you continue to be a diligent student. I still admire your artistic abilities. I like that you find something to be interested in and go deep into it. I trust your judgment in people and know that you are learning what a true friend is at this age. You are always ready to party and stay up and sleep in. One of my favorite moments with you this year (there were so many) was staying up on New Years Eve and watching the special on TV. You were so excited about the performances. It was a moment that reminded me of how you are growing up all the time. I love that your mind is innocent and that your physical self is moving along much faster than your social/playful self (in the best way). I soak in how much you and Ryan play and laugh.You teach me so much about being a mom. You bring me such joy. I hope I am being the mom you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you. I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you.





Dear Me,
I have had a very good year. I feel happy and in a very good place. The hard work and my focus of "letting things go I have no control over" are paying off. I felt far less stress and frustration and disappointment this year. I know that I am closer to my best self and am moving in the right direction. I promised to work on flexibility and core strength and meditation as I know the combination is the right one for my well being. That is still my goal since I didn't improve much in that area. The Oprah event was life changing and everything seems extra sweet since then. I live a grateful life and I feel more grateful, more gracious, more loving, more empathetic, more accepting, more in love than I ever have. I have found a new level of patience and calm in my home and work life. I have received more clarity on my spiritual path. I have been revived in my work with some changes this year. I am being good to myself and others. I am proud of my fiscal responsibility and know that it leads to fun adventures for my family. I am proud of the behavior I model for my kids in regard to human kindness. I have seen, more than any other year, the power of desiring from your true self and having the energy in the universe respond. I have enjoyed my time off with my kids more than I ever have. Our summer was epic. I am happy with who I am and continuously work on being better. I wouldn't change that about myself.



Dear Josh,
In the words of my mom, "there is nothing you can't do." I thought last year you hit the jackpot- little did I know! Simply put- you amaze me. I am in awe of you as a person. You are an incredible model of what it means to decide to do something and DO IT. I love our marriage, our partnership, our life.You have kept me laughing for 17 and 1/2 years. What a gift. You are an incredible father. I never tire of the kids waiting for you to get home and the energy you have when they greet you with such enthusiasm!  I have never been more in love with you. You are kind and thoughtful. You are fun and funny. You are hard working. You do work for good and what you are doing is impacting the world positively. You own everything you do and every action you take, never making excuses. You are an admirable and inspiring soul. You get better looking with age. You bring me such joy. I hope I am being the wife you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you. I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you.

Cheers to 2014. Bring on 2015!

Family Health Challenge 2015

About 5 years ago our family did a health challenge that we are reviving this year after a few edits.

Below is what our family is doing.  I like the set up because you are not eliminating ANYTHING! These are all just healthy choices to add into your daily living.

Take a peek. I encourage you to try it with your family or group of your choice!

Family notice below...

The idea of this challenge is to incorporate healthy habits into our everyday lives. As a bonus, and if you wish to win some $, you may opt in to the weight loss portion of the challenge. You can lose the weight any way that you’d like and at the end of 6 weeks, your % of weight loss will be multiplied by the # points you accumulate.

Here is how this will work…

Rules:

v  6 week challenge, starts today & ends Feb 16th

v  $30 buy-in

v  8 daily points possible plus 1 weekly point for fish = 57 possible points per week

v  Multiply % weight loss by points at the end

v  1st & 2nd place winners - 2nd place wins their buy-in $ back and 1st place gets rest of pot

Worth 1 point each…

v  8 glasses of water per day (64 oz)

v  30 mins of exercise (minimum)

v  5 fruits/vegetables (must be in combination 2/3 versus 5 fruits or 5 veg - Serving is a half a cup for fruit and dense veggies. 1 cup for leafy greens)

v  Fish once a week

v  7-8 hours of sleep/lying in bed staring at the ceiling

v  Healthy fat once a day - i.e. olive oil, nut, avocado

v  No eating 2 hours before bed

v  Daily multivitamin/supplement

v  Daily breakfast 

What Goes Out, Comes Back In

One huge idea at the Oprah weekend was the law of motion and the law of energy- what goes out, comes back in. She stated this something she "knows to be true. It is law."

I am a believer in karma  but had not really connected it to this idea of law. It made me think. What am I putting out there in the world? How am I influencing what my children put out into the world? I thought about people in my life and what they are putting out there.

There are people that live on the negative side. You know those people- anytime you ask how they are doing there is some story of doom and gloom.

There are people that live on the positive side. You know those people. They can find light in most situations and live life on the bright side. And it's not fake. It's honest.

In my own life I have too much evidence to doubt this concept. I can think of very specific times in my life when I was not in a good spot. I was negative about school or work or personal relationships. Unpleasant things seemed to pile on. Was it because I was putting negativity out there and that's all that was available to come back to me?

I see it like this. I have a closet of clothes that I have picked out. I can't expect to one day have designer clothes when I haven't put any in my closet as an option. Energy works the same way. I only have access to what I have put out.

I think of life lately. Just in the last month, we went on an incredible vacation that we were invited to. We received a free piano from a friend. I was talking to Josh about this last night.

Whenever I feel my self sliding into a place that is not my best self, I have an experience that pops me right back to positivity. Recently it was this life changing weekend which was followed by Hawaii and the piano. When I am right with myself, positive things happen for me and my family. Deepak said, "when you desire from your true self, the universe will answer. This does not happen when you desire from sadness or grief or envy or anger or frustration, only from your true self."

Two months ago I was in the attic and brought the keyboard down for the kids. On Veteran's Day I went back up and found my old piano books. I spent 30 minutes playing (or at least attempting to play) and it was pure joy. I hadn't stopped to think that the keyboard could be for me too I walked downstairs and opened up the community center guide looking for lessons for me and the kids. Sure, we didn't have a piano, but we had a keyboard. Then I let my mind wander and thought about having a piano. I even researched the cost- WAY OVER ANY CURRENT BUDGET. Then a month later I am offered a free piano. I desired from a place of truth and look what happened! I didn't even realize I was putting that desire out there. I didn't even realize it was a desire!

I have several stories like this that support this theory, both positive and negative. One thing I do know is that you can't just say the words. You have to do the work to be in an honest place with yourself and those around you. You can't just say you want things to be different. You have to make them different.

So, I ask myself- what am I putting out there in the universe?What did I do to be gifted the amazing trip with my family and friends or to be offered that piano that has already brought such joy to our home?

I am pondering...
I am wondering...

Hawaii

This summer we were invited by friends to join them in Hawaii for Thanksgiving. Four months after our
invitation we found ourselves in a villa on Lanikai Beach in Kailua for 5 nights- SAY, WHAT?!

Ryan got invited by the pilots to check out the cockpit- an amazing start to our vacation!

This picture was taken within 5 minutes of arriving at the house. The kids threw open their suitcases and pulled their suits on and RAN into the water. I wasn't far behind them.

This is a view from our backyard. Our BACKYARD! This house was straight out of a magazine. Most mornings I woke up to watch the sunrise over the 2 islands out there.I would stand in awe and know that I was a tiny part of the population of humans who ever got to see this sight. With every breath of those 5 days I lived in a state of gratitude. At one point my cheeks hurt from smiling.


To say the kids had fun is an understatement. A typical day went something like this:
eat breakfast
swim in the ocean
have a snack and soak in the hot tub
back in the ocean
lunch
soak in hot tub
swim in ocean
snack
hot tub/pool
dinner
either one more swim or showers and low key time

We had a total of 3 outings- 2 for shaved iced and shopping and 1 for a luau.We played in the waves and kayaked and paddle boarded. We ate and drank and laughed. The ocean was so warm and the sand felt like flour on our feet.

Haley with the roasted pig and Ryan getting a tattoo from a chief!









The sunrise looked different every morning. The beauty of how it changed every minute had me captivated.









The house was like nothing I had ever seen in real life. This is the view from the front door. I felt like royalty.

I did an excellent job of being in the moment and soaking everything in on this vacation. I was filled with gratitude and happiness every day. I mean, what was there to stress about?

I did feel a bit worried about Josh's health. He had been ill for 2 weeks before we left. The Dr. initially treated him for strep, but while we were in Hawaii we found out it was mono. Poor guy! Good thing the nature of the trip was relaxing. He slept a lot and was able to be with us without wearing himself out. After all, we hardly went 100 feet from the house!

Each evening, as everyone went to bed, I would walk out into the back and stand in the night. I'd stare at the stars and listen to the ocean and take deep breaths. In the last year or so it has become totally clear that I feel most spiritual when in nature (ok and beach villas too).  One of the nights, as I stood out in the dark I felt compelled to take a swim. So I did just that. At 11:00 at night I found myself swimming in the ocean, staring at the stars and splashing in the warm waves. It was a moment I won't ever forget.

We will forever be grateful for the invitation and generosity from our friends. It was an incredible, magical time. The Russell family adventures continue! Who knew Hawaii was on out list? We are SO GLAD it was!

Oprah- A Life Changing Weekend

The phrase "life changing" does not mean that all aspects of your life change all at once. I have learned that life changing events happen all of the time. Anything that happens, or that you do, that changes your path, even by one degree, is life changing.



Well, I experienced a life changing weekend when I joined a few close friends and attended the Oprah "Life You Want Weekend." This weekend was held at the SAP and included:
Friday night opening with Oprah (over 2 hours)
All day Saturday with Deepak Choprah, Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love), Rob Bell (controversial pastor), and Iyanla Vanzant (regular on Oprah). Each of her "trailblazers" spoke for over an hour, sharing their journeys and what they have learned.
In between speakers we would do exercises in our notebooks and 10,000 of us even did physical exercise with coaches from Soul Cycle. AMAZING!





Oprah was there the whole time. During our reflection time, she was out in the audience peeking over shoulders and asking questions.







I am writing about the agenda, but what took place over that 24 hour period was truly magical. Each speaker was dynamic and relatable- even Deepak, whom I see as a living God, was a human like the rest of us. :) Each person shared poignant stories and enlightening ideas. Tears streamed down our faces the whole weekend from feeling inspired, or hitting a point home that was personal or making something clear that was not before.







The overall themes were gratitude and purpose. We meditated 2 different times and it was completely peaceful and moving.


We all had unique experiences, equally profound.

I have talked and will continue to talk the ear off of anyone who asks me about it.

I will forever regard that experience as one that affected all aspects of my life for the better. I am grateful to have had it. Forever grateful.