A Letter to My Family 2019

I am going to call 2019 the year of leaps and bounds. That applies to all of us. Well, except Buddy, poor thing. Here is my annual letter to my family.


Buddy, Oh Buddy,
We love you. You are not the family pet we hoped you would be. We hoped you would feel safe in our love and care for you. We've had you for 5 and 1/2 years and you are no less skittish than day 1. You can keep growling and barking and nipping at us but we will love you still.

Ryan,

Wow, what a handsome young man you are. Your growth, in leaps and bounds, has been in many ways. The first way is in inches. You're getting so tall! You have made the huge transition from elementary to middle school. You are learning new levels of responsibilities through having several classes, taking the bus and walking home from school, and managing your assignments and due dates. You are learning more about independence and taking responsibility. You have matured so much and I stand back with pride as I observe you continue to grow. You remain the most creative human I know. You have a passion for movie making. I am in awe of the story lines you create as well as the production skills you have. I can't wait to walk you down the red carpet when you are nominated for Best Director! As Beverly Goldberg says, "You're the next Stephan (pronounced Stefawn) King!" haha. I'm very proud of who you continue to become- caring, funny, responsible- a young man of growing integrity. You are aware of the world and  sensitive to how people feel. I admire that about you.

I want you to know your worth. You are an incredible human.  I am here for you always. I love you in a way that can't be written down. I see you.  I would not change one thing about you. I pray that I am the mom you need me to be. You are my light. You are my heart. 

Haley,
Such a beauty. Your biggest growth this year has been in your sense of self. You have come into your own. I take joy in you experiencing all of what high school is about- close friendships, school events, changing relationships. You have blossomed so much- leaps and bounds, actually. You have become more of the things I saw in you as a young child- more outgoing, less shy, more confident in who you are, more solid. Your sense of humor is delightful. Your love of music is unparalleled. Your signature "kissy face peace sign" pose of 2019 should be retired and replaced by your beautiful smile. Hahaha! You are a wise young woman. I used to worry about you and your sense of peace and happiness. Those worries are long gone and now I just have normal "mom of a teenager" worries (mom worries never go away I heard). I admire how you stay clear of drama in a time that can be dramatic.

I want you to know your worth. You are an incredible human.  I am here for you always. I love you in a way that can't be written down. I see you.  I would not change one thing about you. I pray that I am the mom you need me to be. You are my light. You are my heart.

Me.

My leaps and bounds have been letting go of where I think I should be and how I think I should or should not be feeling.  I have been extremely impatient and frustrated at myself in parts of my journey because I felt I shouldn't feel certain things anymore. A good friend shared with me that life is chapters, even though we thought it would be one fluid story when we were younger and about to start our adult life.  A lot of what I believed would be, isn't. At the same time, so much is.
This year I have been truly happy. I am truly happy.  Fulfilled and at times feeling a void. Happy with moments of sadness. Surrounded by love and sometimes lonely. All of these feelings can and do coexist. They don't have to happen one at a time and feeling them does not take away from the joy and peace, which far outweigh anything negative.  I read a line in a book by Cheryl Strayed that really resonated,  "...acceptance asks only that you embrace what is true." For me, acceptance has included not only embracing what is true in how the details of my life have played out, but also allowing myself to feel  the losses when tapped into that part of my story, which is rather seldom.  I have no problem celebrating and accepting the positive feelings and need to do the same for all emotions.  It's okay and natural to have feelings of sorrow that I was living my biggest dream come true and the fate of that dream changed- because it's sad and always will be, not matter how much time passes. It doesn't just stay in the past, it is also my present. This permission to feel and not judge myself continues to liberate me. It's huge. It feels great to feel great. My life is beautifully rich.

                                 
Another year of life and growth in the books! I wouldn't change any of it. Cheers to 2020!

Cross Country and Homecoming

I know these are so late, but I am finally getting this post up.

Both kids have started at their new schools and the year has been pretty great for both. Ryan is taking the bus home and has met a new friend who is also a neighbor! He did Cross Country as a winter sport. He definitely loved the social aspect and never complained about his daily practices.

Haley has also had a great start to the school year. She seems to be very grounded in his friend network and in her academics. She is attending games and dances and is loving her high school life.She went with a big group of friends to Homecoming (HOCO these days). I went to the game with a few moms and was so nostalgic. Nothing has changed- same energy, same excitement, same, same, same.

Goodbye Elementary/Middle, Hello Middle and High School

Ryan's 5th Grade Promotion!

Haley's 8th Grade Promotion!

First day of high school

First day of middle school

Summer 2019

I've been away from writing for quite awhile. I do not want to miss the opportunity to document life. Here was our summer this past summer. We camped and hung out and went to Tahoe and a big Disney cruise to the Virgin Islands- epic in so many ways.

Pinecrest is just my solid vacation each year. It kicks the summer off in nature, with family and friends, and is my favorite thing- camping! This year the water was FREEZING and it was the first year ever that I did not jump off the boat. 

                                           Annual family reunion and drink contest!

Another beautiful year in Tahoe!

The cruise was truly unbelievable. We went with great friends- Giorgettis, Nissens, Schwartzes.The kids got along so well and mixed in all ways. the highlights for me were the following...

1. Sharing a little cabin with my kids and just being in the same space.My soul.
2. My kids experiencing a new level of independence as they explored and did things without us while on the ship. they ate and swam and organized their activities and had to find our cabin. It was so great for them and me.
3. The time with my friends and their kids- having a chance to catch up and connect, both with adults and kids. I rode the water slides with different kiddos. I sat and caught up with my friends. We LAUGHED. A lot. A lot.

4. Giving all the kids a sip of my beer while taking a shuttle home from the baths.Then telling them tales about when their moms were young and "cool". They were in awe.
5. Our wonderful server (forgot his name and this is why I need to stay updated on writing) from Croatia.

6. Meagan's Bay in St. Tomas. We had the whole cove area to ourselves. Kids snorkeled and followed a turtle and other creatures.
7. Disney island- we just loved the beach days.

The original 4 young teachers- how this all started...

Above are pictures of the Baths and caves at Virgin Gorda in Tortola.We took the local ferry (what a crazy ride!) and beat the crowds on all stops. Gorgeous



8. The morning routine and spot. Each morning we were at sea, Carlos would secure our adult spots. I mean, come on!

9. I wanted just one picture of the 3 of us in the water. That's how it turned out and I smile every time!

10. Playing cards and listening to the live music every day when we set sail. It was my happy place.

It was a trip never to be forgotten. Just so wonderful.

He's 11

On June 11, 2008, Ryan entered our worlds. At age 11 he is FUNNY, kind, sensitive, creative, imaginative, and playful. He LOVES making YouTube videos and hopes to be a famous YouTuber. He teaches me how to be a better mom every day. He is so easy going about some things and so not about others. He is so aware of others' and their feelings (well, except his sister sometimes- haha). He is gearing up to start middle school in the fall. 11 years of this guy! Ryan, you're amazing. Happy birthday. I love you so dang much.