A Letter to My Family 2013

From youngest to oldest...

Dear Ryan,
2013 has been a year full of growth. I see how hard you work at doing the right thing and "keeping it together" when things don't go your way. The changes I have seen are tremendous.. I am proud of how you treat others and the wonderful manners you have all the time. You are a fun friend and a kind soul. You are sensitive and I can see your wheels turning when you are processing something. I love the questions you ask. You are so funny, you make us laugh every single day. You are a good little brother by always including Haley in what you are playing. I love that your goal is to get your sister to laugh at you. I adore how playful you are. I am in awe of your imagination. The books that you write and the stories that you come up with blow me away. I love that you cuddle with me. I am impressed that you are so into reading and wanting to learn to read all the words. You are doing so well at school and I am so happy that you have found your comfort in kindergarten. I know how frustrated you get when you are interrupted or don't have undivided attention when trying to say something. I hope I am being the mom you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you. I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you.

Dear Haley,

This year I have seen you find a comfort zone in yourself. As my oldest child, all of your new phases are new to me as a parent. Thank you for bringing these life experiences to me. I admire that you like what you like, play with who you play with, wear what you want to wear (even though I argue about it sometimes- how are you not freezing sometimes?), read what you want to read, and participate in what you want to participate in. You are an old soul and I trust your sense of character in others. You are a good big sister by being Ryan's friend and playmate among other things.. I appreciate that you are playful and kind. You are responsible and are becoming more independent all the time.I love that you stay up past your bedtime because you can't put a book down. I am very much impressed with your incredible artistic talents. I cherish any moment you show physical affection as I know that you have never been very "touchy feely".You are changing, physically, and I hope that I am being the mom you need and that you feel comfortable to ask any questions you have. I wouldn't change anything about you. I hear you. I see you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you.

Dear Me,
This year was a year of reminding and relearning. I know I slipped back into some old ways in particular aspects of my life. These are things I have worked hard at and I feel I was tested with this year. I am recovering from my relapse and feel good about how I am going back to the way I worked so hard to be.  I want to model this for my children. When I ask the question, "Does this affect me or my family?", if the answer is no, my path is clear. I need to not spend time, energy or thoughts on issues that I have no control over. I have learned this lesson, more than once. Some lessons need to be relearned. I am proud that I have not hated my body this year, but have turned my thoughts into only loving ones that include appreciating all my body can do.I promise to spend more time on flexibility and core strength as well as meditation versus "super sweaty work outs" as I know it will pay off in the long run and gives me calm and peace in the present. I have done a good job at being consistent with my expectations for Haley and Ryan.Even though I am having a nice year at school, I know something needs to change. I think the work with Common Core will be exactly what I need to shake things up a bit. I take pride in who I choose to be in my life- all people who lift me and my family up and bring even more light into our lives. I'm bored with my hair. What should be next? And for Pete's sake, be in more pictures. The fact that I couldn't find a single, current photo is just pathetic. Other than that, I am happy with who I am and am proud that I continuously work on being better. I wouldn't change that about myself.

Dear Josh,
I feel like this year you hit the jackpot. Both literally (see above) and metaphorically. You are an extraordinary person and this year you seemed to just kind of burst out. You accomplish so much as a husband, father, son, brother, friend, and employee. This year people took notice. More than normal. It excites me. I admire how you have endless energy with the kids. I mean, who else can pretend, create new games, and wrestle for hours at a time? I cherish the way you communicate with me and that you really listen to and validate what I feel. You are incredibly funny. Ryan gets his awesome (and silly) sense of humor from you. You are thoughtful and kind and creative. You are an amazing role model for me and the kids.You teach us that we don't need to just think about our aspirations, but can go for them in the moment. Nothing stops you from going for what you want. I hope that I am the wife you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you.  I hear you. I see you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you.

The Russell Four- Let's rock 2014!

A Day for the Books

A few weeks ago I had a stand out day in my life. The stars aligned and all 3 of my family members were recognized for different things. Josh was even recognized twice in one day! He was surprised by the one in the evening, but was sure something was up when I showed up to his work event with Haley and Ryan. I felt the high of the day's events for quite a few days. My pride did not come from the awards themselves. My fulfillment came from the fact that others are seeing in my family members the same things I see and adore in each one of them. They were all being recognized for who they are. I get to see their spirits all of the time. It is quite something when others see it and honor it. It was a proud, proud day.

Why no picture of Ryan, you ask? I had no idea that his class would be honored at the assembly that day. I was just showing up for Haley's assembly and happened to catch the end of Ryan's. When he saw me, he assumed I was there for him. Well, good thing his class was awarded! :) I'll never tell.

I do realize my last few posts have been rather boastful. I am very conscientious about what I write and never want to be "that mom." But, this is where life is right now and I want to capture it for my family. I am a happy lady and a proud mom and wife. This time last year was devastating, heart breaking and stressful with everything with my brother. I want to celebrate all that is good in life.

I want my kids and husband to be able to read this years from now and know how much I basked in their light.

Plus, I write about the other stuff too, so there it is.

Life on Stage

The last 2 months have been quite different in our household. Josh was cast in a play that required him at the theater and average of 5 days a week. It was a big commitment but we were all excited for him as he has not been on stage in YEARS.

The play, "The Sunshine Boys" by Neil Simon, is not a children's show, but definitely appropriate for the kids to see their dad in. So, on the Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend, the 3 of us headed to the theater for the matinee show.

The kids were oozing with excitement! When we walked in the theater doors there are pictures of the actors on the wall. There was Josh! "Ryan, look! Dad is famous!"
We then sat down and looked through the program. Haley read through Josh's bio, which included the fact that he has children, "Ryan, look! We're famous!" They also happened to their grandparents there (Joni and Lloyd were one row away with family friends) to share their excitement with.

Josh's entrance started with a knock on the door and saying "Uncle Willy, it's me, Ben!" It happened about 5 minutes into the show. And when the kids heard Josh's voice they both shot their head toward one another and their faces lit up. Dad was coming out on stage! Josh had a big part so we were able to watch him for the majority of the show. It was so cool to watch the kids watch him. Being the family of a star, we were able to see the stage and backstage and dressing room after the show. 

They were full of questions during and after the show and every night Josh left for a performance. "Dad, is Uncle Willy your real uncle?" "Did that man really swallow a stick?" "When you're not there, is Uncle Willy at his house alone?"- all from Ryan.

The experience is one I know that they will remember. Haley asked to see it a number of times after that, but I knew once was enough. That night, when Josh tucked Ryan in, Ryan stopped him on the way out, and just like a Hallmark commercial, said, "Daddy? I'm really proud of you."

The show ended last weekend and last night I was upstairs running laundry. The soundtrack of the household was Josh playing with the kids and acting as if they were in a strict boot camp..." Attention! Give me 10 push ups, on the double!  1, 2, 3..." I laughed to myself as to Josh, life is a stage and his kids are his greatest audience. His imagination and creativity are infused in all aspects of our family life. The kids eat it up.I love that he has it because I sure don't.

We are glad he's back and that all stage work has returned to being done in house. Bravo, Josh! We are all proud of you.

Santa's Lap 2013

This year Ryan asked for a DS and Haley asked for a Rainbow Loom. Santa noticed how tall Haley had gotten over the year and her face lit up. He also told the kids that he knows they get along most of the time but need to work on the little bit they argue. He pretty much got that one right :)
We'll find out Christmas morning if they were naughty or nice!

Passion and Priority

The best advice I ever received about parenting was from a woman I have never even met. A friend shared the wise words from a woman in her book group. The advice was this- only volunteer for things that give you more time with your children, not take you away from them.

As a working mom, I have really taken this advice to heart. Originally I thought I would be actively involved in their school PTA or other committees. That is how I pictured myself as a mom.But this advice has stuck with me and has helped make certain decision very easy. Going to PTA meetings takes me away from my kids. Coaching soccer gives me more time with them. Pretty simple formula and it has really worked for me.

With that said, I am fairly passionate about my job and education in general. When I see injustice (in any aspect of life really) I want to act.There are things happening that make me want to take major action. I don't really like hearing "about" things. I would rather hear them myself. I like to ask questions and get things clarified. Our current board has caused much controversy in the district. I am not clear about what is accurate and what is fabricated. I do know that the more I hear, the more I want to get involved. My soul always lets me know when it is time to act. Right now I am still able to do my job the way I want to. There are definitely more hoops to jump through because of certain processes put into place, but I can still do it.

I have never believed that change is impossible. I am a firm believer that when you don't like something the way it is, you have power to advocate for change. I also know that my first priority is my family and I am not willing to change that. Maybe I would feel more urgency if I saw that my students were being affected. It's hard. I remember this feeling when I moved schools. My old school knew my work ethic and understood when I stepped down from committees and such because I had a new baby. When I moved to the middle school no one knew me or my "team player" attitude. It was so hard for me to sit in meetings and not volunteer for things when I was new to the staff. But, with a 2 and 1/2 year old and another baby on the way, I simply wasn't willing.

So, thank you Random Woman with the Fabulous Advice. When I have tough decisions to make, your words make my choice for me. And every single time I have heeded your wisdom, I have not regretted it.

Josh on Fire

Remember Readers,
The main purpose of this blog is to keep a record of life in our family. It does and will include funny stories, milestones, growing pains, and celebrations.
BEWARE of this post as it includes much celebration (aka- bragging).

Anyone who knows Josh, knows he is one of a kind. I have felt so proud of him recently and I wanted to write about it.

Josh has an equal passion for sports and the arts. Recently, he became involved with a player from the Warriors (his FAVORITE team), Kent Bazemore. Kent has hooked up with Josh's non-profit to work on a program that brings arts to troubled youth. We got to attend a fundraising event where Josh and Kent worked together to raise funds through jewelry sales. Steph Curry came and Josh got to meet him and I got to chat with his wife. So, so cool.

I always love going to work events with Josh. Although it doesn't happen often, I always enjoy observing him interact. It is obvious he is well respected and well liked and what wife doesn't want to see that?

A few months ago, Josh was asked to audition for a show. He hasn't done theater since our mid twenties. Long story short, he made the show and has spent the last month in rehearsals and will spend the next month doing performances. I got to see his first show last night. He. Was. Fab. It was so fun seeing him up there, doing a superb job. I was filled with pride.

The other day he was driving to work and saw a woman on the side of the road waving her jumper cables. Josh turned around to help her, knowing he would be late for work. He pulled up and the woman told him she had been standing there for 15 minutes trying to get help. As he connected the cables, he said it was clear that this woman lived in her car. They chatted for a few minutes and as he was about to leave, he asked her if she needed any money. She started to cry and said that she never asks, that she never wanted to be "that person." Josh drove away yet still wondered what else he could do for her. He had no idea and was still thinking about it when he told us the story at dinner.

Josh is someone who is always getting better. Right now, at this point in life, he is on fire! What an amazing model for me and our kids.

I adore the guy. What can I say?

West Virginia

At the end of August, we all headed out to West Virginia for a family friend's wedding (very brotherly to me and my brothers). It was awesome to be with the entire Marsteller family and their extended family.

This is a family we share a lot of childhood memories with. We would head down to San Diego every summer and spent the week swimming in their pool and playing together. 3 kids in their family, 3 kids in ours. We always had the best time.

One of my favorite things about the weekend was having all of our kids play together and seeing that they were EXACTLY us growing up when we got together. No tattling. No whining. Lots of laughing. Lots of running. They only came to us when they needed food or something to drink or permission to do something. We would see them in flashes running by every now and then. It was really very cool.

West Virgina is beautiful. I have never been there before and I loved walking around the West Virginia college campus. It was the first week of school, so the place was bustling. Brian and Katie and both professors at the school, so the ceremony was in the church on campus.

We had a wonderful time. Josh stayed an extra day with my family to head to Baltimore see the Orioles play. The kids and I had to get back for school. They are good flyers/travelers.

Cheers to the Marstellers! Can't wait for our next reunion.

P!NK

She was unbelievable. The woman is strong. The woman is talented. The woman is fun.

Not all of her songs show it, but her voice is really gorgeous. Had a blast with a few of my closets gals. I had tickets with KC, Kim, and Joy but had fun meeting up with other ladies that were there. What a night!

Perspective

Every time I go long periods without writing any entries, I always wonder what I should post first. Should I just pick up where we left off and share events and stories? Should I write about what's been on my mind the most?
Yes, I will go with that.

I do feel like as I get older I do get wiser. I do not think I am necessarily a wise person, but as I learn certain lessons, they tend to stick and cause a shift in my life for the better. I feel I live graciously and gratefully (for the most part). I feel I am caring and empathetic (for the most part). I feel like I practice what I preach (for the most part).

I have so much to learn and gain, but feel I am always getting better. With that said, there are definitely times that I start to slip from grace. My foot has met the banana peel of old habits and there are times when I stumble. The transition from summer life to work life is always one of those times. Some years it lasts for a fleeting moment. Some times longer.

I know that I have not been at the top of my game lately and have found myself checking in with friends after an encounter where perhaps I was insensitive or just plain bratty. I never really realize that I'm sliding down until I just know that I'm not my best. These are never major dips but things like, " I wish I had_____ (you fill in the blank)." Instead of, "I am so grateful to have_____." The moment I say the words "I am so grateful to have..." I am able to snap myself back from any degree of pity party.

The last few weeks I have had some blasting reminders of just how blessed I am.

We did some home visits to a few at risk students.
Seeing how some of them live= blasting reminder. 
Hearing that a good friend of my friend is losing her battle with cancer and has three small children= blasting reminder. 
Going to a memorial for a childhood friend's mother who left too soon= blasting reminder.

I know how good I have it. Even when it's not at the forefront of my mind, it is embedded in my soul. I am ashamed and embarrassed when I say things that do not reflect my gratitude. We are all human and all need to vent and get things off our chests. I do get that. I always want to do that without diminishing all of the blessings that are my life.

Everything that is truly important to me is in place at this moment. In this moment I have a clear perspective. The signs are clear when I slip and need reminders.

Always learning, always growing.

Mrs. Donovan

About a month ago, Josh and I flew out to Vegas for my dear friend, Amy's wedding. Amy was the first friend I made in the teaching profession and we have been close since the day we met.

During this trip I also got to meet her new husband, Terry. He is PERFECT for her and I was so thrilled to meet him and see them together. The weekend weekend was fabulous. I got there on Friday and Amy and terry came right down to greet me at the registration desk. They both looked so happy and excited. From there I got situated and then met up with the majority of the family and the FABULOUS Matron of Honor, Amy in the suite and just kind of hung out while we worked on favors and people talked about details for that night and the following day.As everyone kind of went their separate ways, Amy asked if I'd like to grab some food. I got 2 hours ALONE with the bride before her big day. Yes, this was my favorite part of the whole weekend. We got to catch up and I really got to hear all that was going on. It was so special to me.

That same night we all met up for drinks at the lounge at the top of Mandalay Bay. It was so lovely. Josh and I had a fabulous time meeting new people, like Terry's family, and reconnecting with Amy's family and friends. Then the girls peeled off for a night of dancing and debauchery. :)

The wedding day was lovely. Josh and I planned on walking the strip in the morning and then hitting the pool in the afternoon before the 5:00 wedding. As we were walking, I got a text from Amy (the bride) and also Amy (the Matron of Honor) inviting me to stop by the bridal suite to see Amy before pictures. Of course, I cut our plans short and headed back to the hotel. I wasn't missing an opportunity to spend time with the bride on her wedding day. I expected to stay for a few minutes. Nope! The door was opened and Amy (MOH) handed me a glass of champagne and I got to spend the next two hours there while Amy (bride) got ready. It was SO special to me. I felt like I was part of the wedding and I just loved watching my friend get ready for a day she had been waiting for all of her life. I will never forget being part of such an intimate time for her.

I cherished the fact that Amy (MOH) included me in everything. She is an amazing woman who went all out with details to make our dear friend's day spectacular. I adore her.

The ceremony was so moving, I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. I am so honored that I was able to be part of such an amazing celebration. Amy deserves this love she has been waiting for. It was a beautiful weekend with beautiful people.

And, of course, while in Vegas you HAVE to get a ridiculously huge slushy drink.
CHEERS MR.AND MRS. DONOVAN!

Kindergarten and 3rd Grade

Here they are on their first day of school! Ryan was beyond excited about going to Haley's school now. Now that he's in kindergarten, the world is his oyster. Haley was nervous and excited as well. The nerves were gone after she came home on day 1 and her teacher "wasn't mean."

I loved meeting the teachers at Back to School Night. They are great fits for my kids. I love our school.

And, of course we went for ice cream afterwards.

A Permanent and Constant Gig

Being a parent is no joke. It's is hard work. The hardest work I've ever done. And not only is it hard, it's constant. And the truth is...I have no idea what I'm doing.

I love my kids. I act and react in the moments that require me to. I pay attention- at least I try. I listen- at least I try. These children are just absorbing the world around them 24/7. They listen to us. They watch us. They understand our interactions and non verbal communication. I love being able to hear what my children have synthesized by observing us. Comments like, "you think Daddy is handsome, don't you?" or " You love being with the family. It's your favorite thing" or even one time when I got upset with Josh about something around the house and Haley said, "are you going to get a divorce?" These comments cause us to pause, as parents, and dig deeper into why these little working brains came up with what they did.

Sometimes moments are hard and trying because kids are being kids- tattling, whining, arguing, not listening. As they get older these times get fewer and farther between.

Other moments are hard because you are put on the spot by your child and need to react as a parent. This can come in the forms of questions out of curiosity. You know- why things ARE the way they ARE. Some things have an easy explanation and other things do not.

Tonight Haley came into our room with her eyes filled with tears. She said, "Sometimes at night I get sad."
I put her in my lap and asked what made her sad. The conversation went as follows:
Haley: I get afraid that people I love are going to die
Me: What makes you think that?
Haley: I don't know
Me: Has anyone around you had any loss in their family?
Haley: No
Me: Does anyone in our family seem unhealthy or sick?
Haley: No, but people can just die in one moment or from growing older.
Me: You're right
Haley: I don't like when people are sad
Me: Who have you seen sad?
Haley: You, I can't remember when. Daddy, when Aunt Jackie died.
Me: Yes, I can feel sad and Daddy was very sad when Aunt Jackie died. I am sorry you are feeling scared but that's not something I want you worried about. Right now everyone is healthy and strong.
Haley: ok
hug, kiss

This is what I mean. We have not had a recent loss. What brought that on? I ask myself, did I react accordingly? Did I acknowledge her fears? Did my response provide any comfort? Was my response unrealistic?

It's crazy when you let the responsibility really set in. How am I helping? How am I hurting? Basically, what am I doing to land my kids in therapy?

Parenting is no joke.
Although, we find ourselves laughing through lots of it.

Last Days of Summer

Here are just a final few pictures of our last days of summer.

 This one cracks me up because it looked so "teenager." These girls had been running around, digging in the sand, swimming in the surf and when we gave the 5 minutes warning, after being there for hours, they decided to bask in the sun a bit. Looks like they had been lazy all day.

 We swam- probably our favorite thing to do in the summer.

 We hiked and explored with friends.

We enjoyed bowling this summer. We enrolled in a bowling program that allowed the kids to bowl 2 free games every day of the summer. So fun!

Back on the Field!

 Soccer season has begun! This is Haley's 5th season and Ryan's 2nd. Haley is now U10 and is playing by all the real rules of soccer on a regular size field. They're playing some true soccer out there! Haley is still apprehensive on the field but she has made HUGE strides. She's getting her foot on the ball and is learning some skills.

 Ryan's U6 team is just about the cutest group you've ever seen. Nate (my bro-in-law) and I are coaching the team this year. We are having a great time. Ryan has made huge strides too. Such tremendous growth in these kids.

AZ Reunion

Yes, these posts are late, but I am getting caught up. 

 This summer we were treated by visits from the U of A crew. The Meyersons came to stay with us since their daughter was swimming in a meet at a local high school. it just happened that while they were visiting, both Tom and Graham were in town. It was so great to have these guys back together and for me to get in some quality time not only with the guys (including Tom and his creepy mustache), but with Jenny and Emily as well.

 I have often referred to Jenny's blog on this blog. She hasn't been writing in quite some time but is just as spunky as ever. She is a wonderful soul to be around. We had a great time reminiscing and reconnecting.

One of the nights we had the guys over for beer. We all sat around the couches while telling stories of the old days. I even heard some new ones! They bring out such joy in each other. The teasing was in full effect, of course.

I did love going to Emily's meet one of the mornings. I swam for about 7 years as a kid. Being at the pool and seeing the swimmers and smelling the chlorine brought of of those memories back- Jason and I riding our bikes to practice every summer morning at 6:30am. The long meets on Saturdays. Competitive swimming wasn't really my passion, but I learned a lot as a swimmer and it was cool to relive some memories.

It was very special to have those 5 days together this summer.