What Goes Out, Comes Back In

One huge idea at the Oprah weekend was the law of motion and the law of energy- what goes out, comes back in. She stated this something she "knows to be true. It is law."

I am a believer in karma  but had not really connected it to this idea of law. It made me think. What am I putting out there in the world? How am I influencing what my children put out into the world? I thought about people in my life and what they are putting out there.

There are people that live on the negative side. You know those people- anytime you ask how they are doing there is some story of doom and gloom.

There are people that live on the positive side. You know those people. They can find light in most situations and live life on the bright side. And it's not fake. It's honest.

In my own life I have too much evidence to doubt this concept. I can think of very specific times in my life when I was not in a good spot. I was negative about school or work or personal relationships. Unpleasant things seemed to pile on. Was it because I was putting negativity out there and that's all that was available to come back to me?

I see it like this. I have a closet of clothes that I have picked out. I can't expect to one day have designer clothes when I haven't put any in my closet as an option. Energy works the same way. I only have access to what I have put out.

I think of life lately. Just in the last month, we went on an incredible vacation that we were invited to. We received a free piano from a friend. I was talking to Josh about this last night.

Whenever I feel my self sliding into a place that is not my best self, I have an experience that pops me right back to positivity. Recently it was this life changing weekend which was followed by Hawaii and the piano. When I am right with myself, positive things happen for me and my family. Deepak said, "when you desire from your true self, the universe will answer. This does not happen when you desire from sadness or grief or envy or anger or frustration, only from your true self."

Two months ago I was in the attic and brought the keyboard down for the kids. On Veteran's Day I went back up and found my old piano books. I spent 30 minutes playing (or at least attempting to play) and it was pure joy. I hadn't stopped to think that the keyboard could be for me too I walked downstairs and opened up the community center guide looking for lessons for me and the kids. Sure, we didn't have a piano, but we had a keyboard. Then I let my mind wander and thought about having a piano. I even researched the cost- WAY OVER ANY CURRENT BUDGET. Then a month later I am offered a free piano. I desired from a place of truth and look what happened! I didn't even realize I was putting that desire out there. I didn't even realize it was a desire!

I have several stories like this that support this theory, both positive and negative. One thing I do know is that you can't just say the words. You have to do the work to be in an honest place with yourself and those around you. You can't just say you want things to be different. You have to make them different.

So, I ask myself- what am I putting out there in the universe?What did I do to be gifted the amazing trip with my family and friends or to be offered that piano that has already brought such joy to our home?

I am pondering...
I am wondering...

Hawaii

This summer we were invited by friends to join them in Hawaii for Thanksgiving. Four months after our
invitation we found ourselves in a villa on Lanikai Beach in Kailua for 5 nights- SAY, WHAT?!

Ryan got invited by the pilots to check out the cockpit- an amazing start to our vacation!

This picture was taken within 5 minutes of arriving at the house. The kids threw open their suitcases and pulled their suits on and RAN into the water. I wasn't far behind them.

This is a view from our backyard. Our BACKYARD! This house was straight out of a magazine. Most mornings I woke up to watch the sunrise over the 2 islands out there.I would stand in awe and know that I was a tiny part of the population of humans who ever got to see this sight. With every breath of those 5 days I lived in a state of gratitude. At one point my cheeks hurt from smiling.


To say the kids had fun is an understatement. A typical day went something like this:
eat breakfast
swim in the ocean
have a snack and soak in the hot tub
back in the ocean
lunch
soak in hot tub
swim in ocean
snack
hot tub/pool
dinner
either one more swim or showers and low key time

We had a total of 3 outings- 2 for shaved iced and shopping and 1 for a luau.We played in the waves and kayaked and paddle boarded. We ate and drank and laughed. The ocean was so warm and the sand felt like flour on our feet.

Haley with the roasted pig and Ryan getting a tattoo from a chief!









The sunrise looked different every morning. The beauty of how it changed every minute had me captivated.









The house was like nothing I had ever seen in real life. This is the view from the front door. I felt like royalty.

I did an excellent job of being in the moment and soaking everything in on this vacation. I was filled with gratitude and happiness every day. I mean, what was there to stress about?

I did feel a bit worried about Josh's health. He had been ill for 2 weeks before we left. The Dr. initially treated him for strep, but while we were in Hawaii we found out it was mono. Poor guy! Good thing the nature of the trip was relaxing. He slept a lot and was able to be with us without wearing himself out. After all, we hardly went 100 feet from the house!

Each evening, as everyone went to bed, I would walk out into the back and stand in the night. I'd stare at the stars and listen to the ocean and take deep breaths. In the last year or so it has become totally clear that I feel most spiritual when in nature (ok and beach villas too).  One of the nights, as I stood out in the dark I felt compelled to take a swim. So I did just that. At 11:00 at night I found myself swimming in the ocean, staring at the stars and splashing in the warm waves. It was a moment I won't ever forget.

We will forever be grateful for the invitation and generosity from our friends. It was an incredible, magical time. The Russell family adventures continue! Who knew Hawaii was on out list? We are SO GLAD it was!

Oprah- A Life Changing Weekend

The phrase "life changing" does not mean that all aspects of your life change all at once. I have learned that life changing events happen all of the time. Anything that happens, or that you do, that changes your path, even by one degree, is life changing.



Well, I experienced a life changing weekend when I joined a few close friends and attended the Oprah "Life You Want Weekend." This weekend was held at the SAP and included:
Friday night opening with Oprah (over 2 hours)
All day Saturday with Deepak Choprah, Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love), Rob Bell (controversial pastor), and Iyanla Vanzant (regular on Oprah). Each of her "trailblazers" spoke for over an hour, sharing their journeys and what they have learned.
In between speakers we would do exercises in our notebooks and 10,000 of us even did physical exercise with coaches from Soul Cycle. AMAZING!





Oprah was there the whole time. During our reflection time, she was out in the audience peeking over shoulders and asking questions.







I am writing about the agenda, but what took place over that 24 hour period was truly magical. Each speaker was dynamic and relatable- even Deepak, whom I see as a living God, was a human like the rest of us. :) Each person shared poignant stories and enlightening ideas. Tears streamed down our faces the whole weekend from feeling inspired, or hitting a point home that was personal or making something clear that was not before.







The overall themes were gratitude and purpose. We meditated 2 different times and it was completely peaceful and moving.


We all had unique experiences, equally profound.

I have talked and will continue to talk the ear off of anyone who asks me about it.

I will forever regard that experience as one that affected all aspects of my life for the better. I am grateful to have had it. Forever grateful.

Halloween 2014

Haley as a viking, Ryan as Wolverine, Jen as Wicked Witch Elphaba (with her Glinda teaching partner and pal), Josh as Bret Michaels who works at Michaels.

It was a fun Halloween. Let the holiday season begin!

The Power of a Garbage Truck

Yesterday morning, as I got ready for work, I heard the familiar sound of a Wednesday morning- the garbage truck. This huge, loud truck with its loud, yelling workers, shows up every week around the same time and I usually think nothing of it. Yesterday was different. Yesterday the truck arrived and brought with it a flood of memories and reflection on the evolution of our little family.

We have lived in this house for 7 and 1/2 years. Haley was 2 and 1/2 and Ryan wasn't a thought yet. For the first few years I dreaded the sound of that garbage truck for many reasons. Let me explain that the truck pulls up right on the side of our house which is right outside our window, which we keep open most nights. It's LOUD.

In our early years the sound of that truck approaching pulled me from a dead sleep (usually because I had been up nursing or tending to a crying baby or changing barfed on sheets) into full on action mode. I would pop up and rush to close the windows and then pray and hope that the crashing of the bins and yelling from the guys would not wake my sleeping babes. Because once they were awake, they were AWAKE.

Then came the time when the sound of that truck approaching was a sound heard after already being up and awake for awhile. Ryan woke up around 5:30 and by the time the truck came he was dressed and fed and ready for the day. It used to feel like the truck came in the middle of the night and during this time it felt like late morning. We would hear the engine pulling into the driveway and rush to the window to watch the guys and stood in wonder of the huge truck. The workers would wave at us and wish us a good morning. We would point at all the parts and make guesses of what other stinky garbage was in that huge dumpster.

Yesterday morning that truck pulled in. I was the only one awake. I was brushing my teeth and realized the fact that I was not rushing to close the windows or running to the window to wave.

I just brushed my teeth and smiled.

Daughters

Recently, while scrolling through FaceBook, I came across this article about raising a daughter. It caught my eye and got me thinking about Haley growing up and all that it entails. My mom and I didn't have serious talks about real issues until I became older. I know that my parents were both there for me. I wonder how certain things were instilled in me like self respect, compassion for others, and wearing age appropriate clothes? Haley is VERY MUCH like me in so many ways (so far). She is changing- growing up. I love it all. I am doing my best to be the best mom for her. I pray I am doing what she needs.

Below are some excerpts from the article (one reason I enjoyed it was because of the humor) and my thoughts.

Nine years ago, a doctor handed me a pink bundle and said, "She's yours."

And while it wasn't said out loud, I'm pretty sure the "don't screw her up" was implied. I could swear I heard it, though.

Since the day that pink bundle was resting on my C-section scar, the weight and enormity of raising a confident, plucky, strong girl has never been far from my mind.

These days, with social media, celebrities who weigh approximately 46 pounds, mean girls and Miley Cyrus, parents of girls have their work cut out for them. Literally CUT OUT, since Miley almost never wears anything with fewer than four see-through holes.

Lately, I have found myself quietly watching the little girl we used to have transform into a young lady, and if I'm being honest, that transformation has me running scared. She just turned 9 this week, which means I only have nine more years to get her ready to fight for herself in the real world.

Nine more years to make sure she knows how to braise a roast, manage her iCloud storage and distinguish between a douchebag and Prince Charming.

That's not a lot of time.

What if I forget to tell her something? What if I miss an opportunity to impress upon her the importance of never buying sheets with less than a 200 thread count? What if she leaves my house without ever having learned how to make the Thanksgiving stuffing her father's side of the family eats (it's DISGUSTING but, dammit, she needs to know....).

There are just SO. MANY. THINGS I want her to know. Like:

1. Girls should never apologize for saying NO. Say it to boyfriends, bosses, scary PTA moms and the pushy lady at Bath and Body Works. And own it. Because you are allowed.
2. Every girl should own one couch that they picked out with no one else's opinion except their own.
3. You may love him now, but his mother loved him first. Respect that.
4. Knowing how to cook will save you hundreds of dollars in your first apartment.
5. Life is too short for cheap haircuts and flimsy pink razors. Pay extra for both.
6. Jackie Onassis never wore Daisy Dukes. You shouldn't either.
7. The man to marry is the one who will stand next to you, not in front of you.
8. Shoes and handbags ALWAYS fit. So buy the good ones.
9. There will be women who will judge you, challenge you and try to break your spirit. Ignore them. Smile at them. Pity them.
10. When money is tight, peanut butter has protein, oranges prevent scurvy and 10 bottles of wine are necessary.
11. If you are going through it, your mother probably did, too. Ask for her advice.
12. 
    
13. I would add:
14. 
    
15. Be attracted to people who make you feel good about yourself and about the world.
16. 
    
17. Always stop and help when you see someone who needs it. Especially when you don't have the time.
18. 
    
19. Host friends and family in your home.
20. 
    
21. If/when you are ready to wear make-up, let me know. One of the best things my mom did for me was take me to get my make up done. Maybe it was the pink eye shadow, pink blush, and pink lip gloss that gave her the hint that I needed some help.
22. 
    
23. Trust your gut. Our heads and hearts can talk us in and out of anything. Your core does not lie.
24. 
    

1. And this list is just the tip of the iceberg. I didn't even get into the merits of binge-watching Netflix after a stressful work week, the necessity of milk chocolate or the fact that her thighs won't always look like they do when she's 16. There is so very much that I want to tell her, that I don't want to forget to mention or expound on. To somehow make it easier for her to grow into the woman I know she'll become. As I look at her now, sitting next to me, quietly doing homework, I am in awe of her. Speechless, really, as I watch this beautiful creature grow right before my eyes.
2. Fortunately, I still have nine years to remember what I want to say.

It's so true. I know she is learning so much from so many good influences in her life.  I do find myself in awe of Haley, pausing in a random moment of time and absorbing all that is "her."

I usually lump my parental feelings/thoughts and apply them to both of my children. I appreciate this article for providing the time to focus in on my beautiful daughter.

1st and 4th

This is a month late, but here are our 1st and 4th graders!

 Ryan has Ms. Hayes and Haley has Mrs. Wuerthner. The first month has gone quite well.

Character Education

This year I am teaching a character education elective class. I love it. We were discussing positive attitudes in class. We talked about how there are times in life you cannot choose what happens to you, but you CAN choose your attitude about it. This quote resonated with me and I feel it directly links to my last post about gratitude...

" Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms- to choose one's own attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor Frankel

JUSTIN

A few weeks ago I went to see Justin Timberlake with 2 of my oldest friends. This night was epic for so many reasons.

 This photo is our "before" photo. We met for margaritas before the show and rode the lightrail downtown.

This is the "during" picture. The show was beyond awesome and Justin Timberlake killed it. He is so talented and my butt never hit my seat. Once I get to a concert, I don't leave my seat for anything. so, as Jena and Meredith went for drinks, I stayed right where I was. I also do not like to drink too much at concerts because I don't want to miss anything. So, even though the girls were bringing 3 drinks, I was putting mine in their cup holders the whole time. See how mature and responsible I have become?

There are no "after" photos because one person had a dead phone, one person had a cracked phone, and we were all laughing too hard to even think about getting a phone out to take a photo. Our timing after the concert was perfect for the lightrail. We waited about 2 minutes before it came to get us...except we were one the wrong side of the track and missed it. We tried to run for it after it passed and one of us (will not name names) fell TO THE GROUND trying to run and catch it. I will say that it was not me, but the other 2 of us were laughing so hard that we could hardly catch our breaths. Jena reenacted the fall, since she saw it firsthand, at least 5 times (by now you have figured out who did the falling) and I honestly hurt all over from laughing.

I did walk away with a concert tshirt. As we waited for the next train to come, some guys came by and were selling tees for $20. I had $3.50 in my purse and the deal was made!

It was a night for the books. All of it.

Being Human

One of the most unattractive qualities, to me, is being unappreciative. There are some people who find it very easy to complain and very hard to find the good in life, especially those who have so much to be grateful for.

Of course we all have moments or phases in our life that warrant complaints. And, of course, everyone gets to feel down when life isn't at its height, but some people are consistently good about complaining about life, in general, no matter what is going on. It's hard for me to listen to or be around.

That's why it kills me when I dip into a place of envy or self deprecation.It's an ugly place to go. As I have gotten older, these moments are more seldom and are fleeting at best. But, Friday got the best of me and I hated it.

We had a TGIF for our staff. A fellow staff member hosted at her beautiful home. I walked in and all I saw was all that I didn't have- modern decor, a tree lined street, a big backyard. The house was lovely. I then came home and got changed into my cozy clothes. All I saw in the mirror were my physical flaws.

I was able to switch over from negativity to positivity fairly quickly. I do appreciate that I do not stay in that place for long.And (sorry for any males who read this blog) but it was the worst time of the month, hormonally speaking.
 I felt ashamed for feeling those feelings when I have so much to be grateful for.

I wasn't going to talk about it, but when I confided in a friend that I had gone there the day before (after a margarita), she responded in the most nonjudgmental way.

"Jen, of course. We all do that and go there. I know how grateful you are in life. It's just part of being human."

Her response made me feel better, and it's exactly what I would say to someone else. Sometimes I just want to be better (more gracious, less judgmental) than I am. I guess that is part of being human too.

The best thing is that after I felt that way Friday, my weekend was filled with signs of things to be grateful for. Blatant signs, as often show up when I need them thrown in my face.

All part of the journey...

Summer 2014

The best one yet...