I am doing this entry after watching an episode of "Oprah." I can see Josh rolling his eyes because he has been victim to many "Oprah" discussions. Whenever I start the sentence with "So I was watching 'Oprah' today..." he knows I will be asking clarifying questions about big issues. Today was no exception. I watched a recorded episode while the kids had rest/nap. It was all about the truths of motherhood. It was so honest and raw that it felt refreshing. There are these two friends who basically interviewed thousands of moms to write their 1st book. The title is something like
I Knew Everything About Being a Mom Until I Became One- so true! The audience was filled with moms and several moms were on the show. Here are some things that really struck a cord with me.
1. Cheryl Hines spoke about reinventing yourself when you become a mom. She talked about how when she got pregnant she was ready. She was done with the bar scene and going out to parties all the time. She didn't mind losing that part of her. She didn't expect to not be there for her best friend when she was going through a bad break up. She wasn't able to stay on the phone and if she went to her house to comfort her, her baby distracted her from giving all of her attention to her friend in need. She says that we need to sort of mourn the loss of our old selves and reinvent ourselves with the inclusion of being a mom.
2. BE HONEST WITH OURSELVES. This kept hitting me. I know I am honest with myself, but will tend to put on a happy face even in moments when I want to talk about how I REALLY feel. There are still things that just still are not acceptable to say or feel. On the show they said even in a group of moms, everyone puts on a happy face which is such a disservice, creating a sense that you are alone in what you are feeling when we could all be real and supporting each other in hard times. It all comes down to judgment. I am guilty of it. I have been shocked at what some mothers have done or said out loud. These are usually moms who I tend to disagree with in the first place so I am sure that plays a part, but who cares? Who am I to judge anyone? If everyone was more accepting of our different approaches to raising a child then maybe more women would feel more comfortable to reach out and ask for help. At the same time I need to not care about being judged as a mom. I know that we are doing the best we know how. There are situations where I feel I need to explain or defend the kids' actions or behaviors..."I don't know what's wrong. She usually doesn't act like that..." etc. It's the truth when I say those things, but who cares? They are kids and if they are not "being themselves" when around certain company, then that's the way it goes.
3. Stay at Home Moms and Working Moms were touched upon. I am a working mom and at times have felt badly for liking it that way. I always say it would be ideal to work part time and I truly believe that for myself. Being a stay at home mom takes the patience of a saint. I think I am a better mom than I would be if I were at home. I know this about me. I am hard on myself and have thought badly about getting frustrated with situations when moms who stay home do it all the time!
4. This was a big one too...loving motherhood as much as you love your kids. They talked about whenever there is something that is bothering you or having certain frustrations can often come out as a lack of passion for your children. Anyone who is a parent knows there is no love like the love you have for your children. There are seriously no words that can describe it. The best I can say is that a new heart grew with each baby I had. The love is overwhelming. At the same time there are moments when I just don't LOVE motherhood. Not just when they are sick or having a rough night, but also times when I want for just myself or for my marriage. I get an hour a day that I savor. And, without family all around us who snatch up the kids on a regular basis, I have no idea what I would do to keep sane. I like that they distinguished the difference of the love for your children from the love of motherhood. They are different things.
I always had an idea of what motherhood would be like. I wasn't even close. It is such a roller coaster of every extreme emotion and feeling. I do love being a mom. I promise to be more honest and not feel afraid of being judged as I have in the past. It is a hard and rewarding job and I feel blessed to have it.
Thanks for the episode Oprah!
