January

As you can see, the start of our January was very rough. It entailed sunshine and trips to the beach where the kids were able to play in the 70 degree weather. Yes, I do love California. I have never lived anywhere else, but I know I love it here.

The end of January was a bit crazy. We have all been off kilter about 1 degree. I am, in general, a happy person and in a good mood. Most of my days are spent happy, patient, and ready for what the day has in store. Some days are different. I really hate when I can't get my emotions in check. I am very aware of my frustrations, impatience, etc. I even can pinpoint the cause (on most occasions). I am not the best when things are out of sorts. If I can see it coming and prepare, I am better.

Yesterday I was saturated. Completely. Unfortunately Ryan was the one who broke the straw and out came a beast I didn't know was in there. My voice was at a volume and octave I didn't know I was capable of. Ryan and I were both shocked by it. It was very brief and we were both silent afterward. I told Josh is was an emotional blood bath. I felt horrible. In 7 years of parenthood, I've never felt that way. I've definitely hit my limit before, just not quite like this. I know why it happened. I know why I didn't have patience. But for me, knowing doesn't always help change the emotion. The first words I spoke to Ryan after the exchange was "I'm sorry." His response? "I'm sorry too" without prompting.

I will say that today he was far less whiny and used his manners in every single appropriate situation. He didn't argue about getting dressed and he didn't lose it and go into a fit. This was nice. Very nice. 

This whole thing prompted a good conversation between Josh and me. We clarified some new approaches we are going to take with him as we will not be tolerant of certain things any more. We also connected about how we are feeling with the bit of craziness going on around us. Being rational feels so good. Feeling calm and in control feels so good. Having a planned approach feels so good (so many times parenting is on the spot).

Exhale...

My Life List

This is definitely a work in progress, but here is what I have:

Life List

• attend a Superbowl live (preferably dance in the half time show)
• run a half marathon
• have a healthy BMI
• get paid for my photography (Tuells 2013)
• dance in a professional show
• write a book
• speak motivationally
• see Yellowstone
• Fly 1st class
• See Mayan ruins (July 1012)
• Go to a spa retreat weekend- all spa treatments, yoga, meditation
• stay in a hut over the ocean
• own a house with a yard
• host a 4th of July party in my backyard (it will be over the top)
• take a make-up (cosmetics) course
• learn to sew
• raise respectful and kind children (working on this every single day)
• see my children graduate from high school
• see my children graduate from college
• teach a college course
• take a floral arranging class
• own a vacation home
• roast a whole turkey (have it be delicious)
• dance in a flash mob
• have my collarbones be visible (so feminine)
• stay on a river/lake in Montana
• do a Broadway show tour in NY
• treat the extended family to a surprise vacation
• own a piano (October 2014)
• relearn the piano
• change a tire on a car (so close with Torrey once)
• run the Warrior Dash (sign up in time)
• learn how to play tennis
• learn how to surf
• take a self defense class
• meditate for at least an hour
• learn to knit or crochet
• learn to snowboard
• take kids horseback riding
• take kids down the Truckee river
• be in Times Square on NYE
• Swim in the sea in Greece
• see the Colosseum in Rome
• go to Mardi Gras
• see the pyramids in Egypt
• Swim in the Great Barrier Reef
• visit a castle in Ireland
• drink a Guinness in Ireland
• host a murder mystery dinner
• organize a progressive dinner
• own a dog (as an adult)- April 2014
• sing karaoke and impress the crowd (as of now I DO NOT sing karaoke)
• make a tradition of working at a shelter during the holiday season
• take a class at a yoga studio (not the gym)
• Wear a tight, strapless dress with my hair up and feel stunning
• walk around freely in my bathing suit without a care
• see definition in my arms
• run a bull-run in Spain (my heart is pounding thinking about it)
• pop out of a cake
• get one of Josh's idols to a birthday of his (Steve Martin, Weird Al)
• hang a painting of mine
• walk across the Golden Gate (can't believe I've never done this) April 2015
• walk on the Great Wall of China
• see each of my children win an award (Haley 9/2011) (Ryan 11/2013)

Crossed Off (other than above):

• be married
• become a mother
• see Madonna in concert (thanks to Joy, going for my 3rd time in October!)
• plan a surprise vacation for my immediate family
• take a pole dancing class
• parasail
• jump off a cliff (into the ocean- yes, broken tailbone, oops!)
• go rafting
• see the Grand Canyon
• snorkel
• go to Hawaii
• go to Caribbean
• go snow mobiling
• work on a movie set (met Robin Williams)
• go to a live taping of the Tonight Show (convinced Jay Leno to let me sit in his guest chair and take a pic with him before the show started)
• see Celine Dion in concert
• be a teacher
• be an exercise instructor
• run a 5k
• run a 10k
• be Reiki certified
• see each of my children win an award 
• attend a Tony Robbins seminar (thanks Kramers!)
• walk across hot coals
• throw a surprise party

Again, a draft, but very cool to get it all down. What I love the most is how much I have already done! Some big things and some small. I plan on getting some things crossed off in 2012.
Cheers!

All Signs Point to This

In the last 10 years I have come to believe that most things are not coincidence.We make decisions and choices every day. I believe there is a higher power that resides in all of us and sometimes the signs are just so clear.
A few months ago I started following my friend Jenny's blog. I know I have written about it before. I started reading because she is a friend and I do enjoy blogs of people I know. It's a way to peek into their lives and feel connected through their stories.
Jenny's blog is about her old life and more importantly, her current life. She is living her life list of goals and dreams and chronicling them along the way.
We all have goals and dreams. I related.
Then, last week we had a speaker come and work with our kids and making goals for themselves.His name is Jim Wiltons. He was dynamic and had written a few books. He, too, was living his list of dreams and goals. He's even made a career out of it!
He talked about how all adults have goals in life yet less than 1% of Americans write them down. By not writing them down we lose what some of them are and are less likely to go after them since they just swirl around in our heads. He talked about how making lists and working on lists help us to live a longer life. I believe it!
I have lived many dreams. I am living my biggest dream all the time. Josh and I are always doing things to better or enrich our lives.For the last year and a half we have given ourselves many challenges to help our lives or someone elses. We have written down our goals for the year, but this was the first time I went to write down my goals for my life.
I have started my list. It's long. The speaker said to think of them in categories like things I want to experience or possess or see or be.
I have realized two things.
1. At age (almost) 35 I have lived many dreams. Some pretty big ones and some small ones too.
2. I have many goals and dreams that I look forward to reaching.
Like Jenny, I will publish my life list here and give updates when I achieve them.

Still a Mystery

In the past I have written how I find it so interesting the praise a father gets when he takes his child/ren out and about. Josh has gotten several comments while at the park, grocery shopping, wherever about how wonderful it is that he is doing those things with his children. I have known these comments to happen to many dads. Not so much for the moms. I have wondered why this is and find it all quite interesting.

Yesterday the mystery continued. We had a music class with the kids and my brother in law and my niece also joined the class. It was the first session so the teacher gave some hand outs. When she gave the materials to Nate she said, "These are really important. Make sure to give them to your wife."
Ok...
1. Why wouldn't a dad be able to handle important documents?
2. What if he didn't have a wife? What if he was single or gay or a widower?

These types of interactions are perplexing. Is is that uncommon that dads are out with their children alone that it warrants a comment? Is it that uncommon that a dad would be bringing his child to a class and that he will be handling all documents and other things?
Perhaps I am naive since my dad totally interacted with us and Josh is a complete hands on parent and so are most of my friends, both women and men?
I know in older generations these things may have been rare. It's 2012. If we see any parent interacting with their children, let's for sure let them know we admire what they're doing. Moms or dads or any care takers. Goodness knows we all need a little pat on the back sometimes. Moms and dads both work hard. Bottom line.

Michael

Anyone who knows me knows that Michael Jackson is my favorite artist of all time. Personal stuff aside, he was a pop genius, especially on the dance floor.
I used to have a poster of him in my room and I dreamed of meeting him one day or seeing him in concert.
A few years ago I learned that he was going to tour in Europe. I put it on my bucket list to try and see him on that tour or another.
Needless to say, that will never happen.
A few weeks ago we were getting ready to have some friends over for dinner. Josh told me my drink was over on the table. When I walked over, there were 2 tickets to see the Michael Jackson Cirque show in San Jose for the following Friday night.
He had worked it out with my friend, Courtney (a fellow Michael lover). Josh isn't a big cirque fan so he was going to watch the kids while we had a night out. A PERFECT early birthday present.
The show did not disappoint and although we stayed seated, we didn't stop moving the whole time. It was touching, extravagant, cool and ROCKING! What a spectacular.
I loved it. As I was watching the show and listening to his music for 3 hours, I realized this was the closest I'd ever come to seeing my favorite entertainer.
Courtney and I ended the evening by going dancing until last call. When we got to the bar the line was  around the corner. Court went right up to the front and said to the bouncer, "look, we are in our 30s. We've stood in line many times. Can you just let us in?"
The bouncer smiled and let us walk right in. Too funny! "Maturity" never felt so good.
Josh- you nailed it. One of the best gifts of all time.

New Phase

I am realizing that we are entering a new phase of parenthood. Ryan is older than Haley was when he was born which means we are officially done with some things. Here's a list of some differences:

-Diapers have been gone from our house for close to a year. I still have a smug feeling when I go to Costco and don't even need to go near the diaper aisle.

-Both kids have chores which include setting the table, vacuuming with the dust buster, putting groceries away, making the bed, clearing the table, helping cook dinner, and keeping their rooms picked up.

- I can take a nap with both kids in the house, of which neither is napping themselves.

-I can exercise while the kids are in the house and they have been known to join in!

All of these things make me realize that we are in a new phase of life. The baby days are gone and now we have 2 kids. I love where we are. We have those moments of impatience, outbursts, stubbornness, etc. There are times that are hard or simply no fun for anyone. I know how good we have it. No matter what, I know where my kids are. I know they are safe and under our roof and that they love themselves and celebrate themselves. They are joyful and loud and musical and smart. They are funny and playful and helpful and loving.

I love this phase we are in. I cherish this moment in time.

NYE

Josh and I had a fabulous weekend away last weekend. We ventured to Tahoe for Guido and Bridge's wedding NYE night.

 The wedding was a beautiful celebration. Bridge looked perfect. Elegant and stunning. She and Guido were smiling all night.

 Phil was the best man and gave an awesome speech. It was all true to the heart and very well spoken. I know how nerve racking it is to give a speech like that so I am always impressed with people who do it flawlessly and confidently. Beautiful things were said about the newlyweds, all well deserved and spot on.

And, I am sorry. Have you seen better bridesmaids dresses? They worked on every beautiful bridesmaid.
It was a wonderful night. We danced the new year in and raised our glasses to a couple about to start a brand new adventure.
It didn't hurt that we came home with more money than we left with. Winners at 3 card poker baby!!!

Congrats Lanzas!