January

As you can see, the start of our January was very rough. It entailed sunshine and trips to the beach where the kids were able to play in the 70 degree weather. Yes, I do love California. I have never lived anywhere else, but I know I love it here.

The end of January was a bit crazy. We have all been off kilter about 1 degree. I am, in general, a happy person and in a good mood. Most of my days are spent happy, patient, and ready for what the day has in store. Some days are different. I really hate when I can't get my emotions in check. I am very aware of my frustrations, impatience, etc. I even can pinpoint the cause (on most occasions). I am not the best when things are out of sorts. If I can see it coming and prepare, I am better.

Yesterday I was saturated. Completely. Unfortunately Ryan was the one who broke the straw and out came a beast I didn't know was in there. My voice was at a volume and octave I didn't know I was capable of. Ryan and I were both shocked by it. It was very brief and we were both silent afterward. I told Josh is was an emotional blood bath. I felt horrible. In 7 years of parenthood, I've never felt that way. I've definitely hit my limit before, just not quite like this. I know why it happened. I know why I didn't have patience. But for me, knowing doesn't always help change the emotion. The first words I spoke to Ryan after the exchange was "I'm sorry." His response? "I'm sorry too" without prompting.

I will say that today he was far less whiny and used his manners in every single appropriate situation. He didn't argue about getting dressed and he didn't lose it and go into a fit. This was nice. Very nice. 

This whole thing prompted a good conversation between Josh and me. We clarified some new approaches we are going to take with him as we will not be tolerant of certain things any more. We also connected about how we are feeling with the bit of craziness going on around us. Being rational feels so good. Feeling calm and in control feels so good. Having a planned approach feels so good (so many times parenting is on the spot).

Exhale...