7 Ways to Let Go and Move On

A good friend sent this to me today. I want to capture this message and bottle it and live it and model it for my kids. I don't think I've read anything more true and more aligned with what I already believe. Not to say that these things are easy, but they ARE necessary in order to live the life we are meant and deserve to have. 

Life is always changing- in both major and minor ways. I have already read this article 3 times. I know I will read it hundreds more. It resonates so much.

You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is. This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc.

It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you.

The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits. The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values. So you cherish all the memories, but find yourself letting go and moving on.

If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit awkward, and that’s OK. This feeling is normal. I’ve been right there with you on more occasions than I can count.

The key thing to realize is that holding on is like believing that there’s only a past; letting go and moving on is knowing in your heart that there’s a bright future ahead. Let’s take a look at seven ways to design the latter.

1. Accept the truth and be thankful. – To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow. It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead. It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes, to trust your intuition, to learn as you go, to realize that every experience has value, and to continue taking positive steps forward.

2. Distance yourself for a while. – Sometimes you need to take several steps back in order to gain clarity on a situation. The best way to do this is to simply take a break and explore something else for a while. Why? So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes. And the people there may see you differently too. Returning where you started is entirely different than never leaving.

3. Focus only on what can be changed. – Realize that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood. Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change. Focus exclusively on what you can change, and if you can’t change something you don’t like, change the way you think about it. Review your options and then re-frame what you don’t like into a starting point for achieving something better.

4. Claim ownership and full control of your life. – No one else is responsible for you. You are in full control of your life so long as you claim it and own it. Through the grapevine, you may have learned that you should blame your parents, your teachers, your mentors, the education system, the government, etc., but never to blame yourself. Right? It’s never, ever your fault… WRONG! It’s always your fault, because if you want to change, if you want to let go and move on with your life, you’re the only person who can make it happen.

5. Focus inward. – It’s important to make a difference in the world. Yes, it’s important to help people, but you have to start with yourself. If you’re looking outside yourself to find where you fit in or how you can create an impact, stop and look inside yourself instead. Review who you already are, the lifestyle you’re currently living, and what makes you feel alive. Then nurture these things and make positive adjustments until your current life can no longer contain them, forcing you to grow and move beyond your current circumstances.

6. Change the people around you when you must. – Some people come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them. They are supposed to be part of your memory, not your destiny. The bottom line is that when you have to start compromising your happiness and your potential for the people around you, it’s time to change the people around you. It’s time to join local meet-ups, attend conferences, network online, and find a more supportive tribe.

7. Focus on today. – You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future. Figure out what the next positive step is, no matter how small or difficult, and take it. Ultimately, the only thing you can ever really do is to keep moving forward. There’s no point in denying that things are different now, or being fearful of the next step. Life only moves in one direction – forward.

Who Is Jen?

Isn't this the greatest billboard? It's in San Francisco. Sure, it's an underwear ad, but to me it spoke volumes.

A couple of summers ago, my mom and I were driving home from a few days away with women family members (post to follow). It was a rich weekend filled with laughter and serious discussions. On our drive home we posed the question, "Really, who am I?"

It's easy to say I am a mother, a teacher, a friend, a daughter, a sister. But what about beyond that? What is my purpose? Who am I really? What am I really?

This question was posed while I had my Oprah weekend experience as well. I got some clear visions during a meditation that weekend.

During the meditation, Deepak Chopra (yes I am still in awe that I was in his presence) posed the questions, one at a time:
"Who are you? What do you want? What are you grateful for?"
He asked these questions and the follwing answers came immediately.

"Who are you?"- love

"What do you want?"- love

'What are you grateful for?"- and I had this clear vision of taking a picture of my little family. Just as I was about to snap, someone else in my life would say, "wait! wait! I want to get in." I kept taking a step back and refocusing my camera and soon I was back so far and the picture was so wide that I could barely see everyone. I am incredibly grateful for the people in my life.

So, as my journey continues I continue to answer the question- I am love. I am light. I am healing to myself and others. I am strong. I am soulful. I am compassionate. I'm a good dancer (had to throw that one in- seriously, have you seen me on the dance floor?- haha).

Who is Jen?  I am learning who I am every single day.

I mean- the question is so big it requires a billboard!

The True Meaning of Thanksgiving

In our family we do a lot of work in being grateful. We show our gratitude daily. This year Josh included the kids in some charity work he was doing through his job. The kids helped purchase whole turkeys to donate to families in need.




This is my ultimate goal for the kids- to live with gratitude in their souls. I know I didn't truly have it until adulthood. I think that it's a concept to be grasped beyond our youth. However, we can do all we can to ensure that they have experiences that show us how truly blessed we are. Every day we share things we are thankful for. It's a start. I love that they did this.

They also baked this year! Haley made the pecan pies and Ryan made the lemon bars. They were both delectable.

Although this was a different Thanksgiving for us, the true meaning of the holiday was not lost.
We are so very blessed with a rich life.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Every year I do a lesson with my students about MLK Jr. By 6th grade, they know the basic story so we work on different aspects of his life. We talk about what life would be like had the Civil Rights movement not occurred.

It reminds me of Haley and the day she first learned about King in kindergarten. We were at the dinner table and she explained that there was a time when kids couldn't just play with anyone they wanted- that schools were separated by the color of the students' skin. She listed example after example of ways her life would be different. At the end of the conversation she said, "Mommy, think about it. If Martin Luther King didn't change things, you wouldn't be able to be sitting at the dinner table with us."

We cracked up! This is also when every time she drew a family picture, she would draw her and Josh and Ryan with a peach crayon. When it was time to color me in, she would drop that crayon and grab the brown one.

This still makes me chuckle!

Haley's Award- 5th Grade

Haley received an award at school in October. Here she is with her teacher (crazy hair day- not her normal look). So, so proud of Haley for being "enthusiastic in all areas of school." We always tell the kids that school is their workplace. When they are there we expect them to do their personal best. It fills me with pride when my kid is recognized for his or her work at school.


Here she is with her friends on Twins Day. Haley has made such good friends in elementary school. I remember them in kindergarten and here they are- young ladies!
Thanks to Trish for buying them these cute shirts.

A Letter to My Family 2015

Each year I write a letter to my family. You can see the last 2 here and here.  I love that these letters will be gifts in years to come.

As always, I will go from youngest to oldest.

Dear Buddy,
You are such a good boy. I always think about how much I regretted getting you at first. You have been an essential family member. You are so sweet and loving and cuddly. I continue to wonder what situation you came from and know, that with each passing day, you are realizing that this family will not hurt you or abandon you. You are so loved here. I know how much you love us. There have been times when you have sensed the loss and sadness and have simply come up to me and snuggled in. You are a special little dog- a healing dog. I love that Haley and Ryan LOVE playing with you and get excited to be with you every day. I know so many things still scare you, but I also know you've gotten much more secure. Now, just stop eating our underwear, ok?

Dear Ryan,

My dear boy. Your personality lights up a room. Your humor and wit keep a permanent smile on my face. You still crack me and Haley up at the dinner table every night. You are the champion of "whoever laughs first loses." I love your playful spirit. This year I have enjoyed watching you become even more creative and imaginative. I can see your mind working as you play with Legos or write a story or play pretend. I am proud of the hard work you do in school and that your teachers enjoy having you in class. I am proud of the moral compass you are developing and that you see the importance of telling the truth, even when it's not easy. Your manners are still amazing:) I know that you are in tune and sensitive and your random, "mommy, I love you"s are not random. I know this has been a challenging year. I am so glad you ask me questions and let me know how you're feeling. I hope you know how much I love you, but also know there is no way that you can. I am proud to be your mom.You bring me such joy. I hope I am being the mom you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you. I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you. You are my light.

Haley,
My mini-me. I am realizing more and more how much we are alike. I know how you think because I think the same way! I know that when I type this letter next year you will be taller than me. I love that we share shoes:) I love your tom boy style and that you are comfortable in your skin. I loved watching you become a skateboarder this year, doing the ramps and half pipe. I continue to see you evolve into a pre-teen as you hang One Direction posters and rearrange your room and even start to have friendships with boys. I admire your hard work in school, and when there was a dip in effort, you changed your direction and got back on track. I know that the school experience will change as you get into middle school (NEXT YEAR!) and my hope is that you keep your work ethic at school as you have for the last 6 years. You are a good friend, kind, respectful, thoughtful, and considerate. I see the struggle you have had this year and I hope you know that the love for you has not and will not change. I hope you know how much I love you, but know there is no way that you can. I am proud to be your mom. You bring me such joy. I hope I am being the mom you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you. I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you. You are my light.

Dear Me,

Oh, Jennifer...what a year this has been. But look at this picture- my face has joy. I have found joy even in the darkest of days. I looked at the letter to myself last year and am finding wisdom in my old words, especially the "letting go of what I can't control." I had no idea, when I wrote that last year, how true those words would be. I've never done harder work for me or my family than I have the last 10 months. I know that hard work will continue. I have had some slips, but for the most part have kept grace throughout this whole thing.  I need to forgive myself for being human when I feel things that aren't "me" but rather feelings that are completely natural (or so I'm told- ha!) I am ready for 2016. I am tired of telling this story and ready to tell a new one. I knew I was loved and supported, but never knew how much until this year. I will no longer spend energy or focus on the disappointments in this process and shift my focus solely to the incredible, and expanding village we have. It's beyond amazing! I know this roller coaster is far from over, but I'm leaving so many things behind in 2015. 2016 will have purpose and focus and a full heart, knowing that I am lifted up by so many amazing souls- knowing that I am more than enough. I want to be an example for my children- they are pure light and love. I am a better mom, sister, friend, teacher, niece, cousin, daughter. I am ready to be back in my skin and shine. I will continue to be better.

So I close the chapter on 2015- a year of change and growth and all sorts of things. 

I cheers to 2016- a year of change and growth and all sorts of things!!!

Tarif

One beautiful aspect of my job is that I get to interact with so many kids. This is my 17th year in the classroom which means I have worked with almost 1000 students! Each year I have my favorite students (yes, I said it) and then I have stand outs from my whole career.

Tarif is one of those students I will never forget. I had him 11 years ago as a 5th grader.He is one of 7 children in his family. I worked with his older sister and twin brother through student council and I always said, that anyone in his family would have my vote for President of the United States.

Tarif worked hard in my classroom, but what I enjoyed most was his charisma. He respected the working environment of school, yet brought such life and light and humor to the day. He was witty and kind to his peers and respectful to all. I LOVED having him in class.

One thing you can't know in this job, is how you affect the students. You have them for 10 short months and then they move on. Few students keep in touch for a bit. Others I get to have siblings and get updates.



Tarif is an adult now and very involved in theater. I finally had the chance to go see him as the lead in "Jekyll and Hyde." He was UH-MAZING! He is so incredibly talented both as an actor and as a singer. He's an entertainer as he always has been!


We have kept in touch via Facebook, over the years, so when I saw him it was the first time since I had him in class (I was pregnant with Haley then). After the show he was surrounded by so many people waiting to see him. He looked up, saw me, and his face lit up. "Oh my God!" he said and he parted the crowd to get to me. He hugged me with ones of those hugs that squeezes you and lifts you off your feet a bit. He was just as excited to see me as I was to see him.

My kids got to see him in the next show we went to. It seriously made my spirits soar. I felt proud and honored.

Can't wait to see what the future holds for Tarif.

He still has my vote for President.