As always, I will go from youngest to oldest.
You are such a good boy. I always think about how much I regretted getting you at first. You have been an essential family member. You are so sweet and loving and cuddly. I continue to wonder what situation you came from and know, that with each passing day, you are realizing that this family will not hurt you or abandon you. You are so loved here. I know how much you love us. There have been times when you have sensed the loss and sadness and have simply come up to me and snuggled in. You are a special little dog- a healing dog. I love that Haley and Ryan LOVE playing with you and get excited to be with you every day. I know so many things still scare you, but I also know you've gotten much more secure. Now, just stop eating our underwear, ok?
Dear Ryan,
My dear boy. Your personality lights up a room. Your humor and wit keep a permanent smile on my face. You still crack me and Haley up at the dinner table every night. You are the champion of "whoever laughs first loses." I love your playful spirit. This year I have enjoyed watching you become even more creative and imaginative. I can see your mind working as you play with Legos or write a story or play pretend. I am proud of the hard work you do in school and that your teachers enjoy having you in class. I am proud of the moral compass you are developing and that you see the importance of telling the truth, even when it's not easy. Your manners are still amazing:) I know that you are in tune and sensitive and your random, "mommy, I love you"s are not random. I know this has been a challenging year. I am so glad you ask me questions and let me know how you're feeling. I hope you know how much I love you, but also know there is no way that you can. I am proud to be your mom.You bring me such joy. I hope I am being the mom you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you. I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you. You are my light.
My mini-me. I am realizing more and more how much we are alike. I know how you think because I think the same way! I know that when I type this letter next year you will be taller than me. I love that we share shoes:) I love your tom boy style and that you are comfortable in your skin. I loved watching you become a skateboarder this year, doing the ramps and half pipe. I continue to see you evolve into a pre-teen as you hang One Direction posters and rearrange your room and even start to have friendships with boys. I admire your hard work in school, and when there was a dip in effort, you changed your direction and got back on track. I know that the school experience will change as you get into middle school (NEXT YEAR!) and my hope is that you keep your work ethic at school as you have for the last 6 years. You are a good friend, kind, respectful, thoughtful, and considerate. I see the struggle you have had this year and I hope you know that the love for you has not and will not change. I hope you know how much I love you, but know there is no way that you can. I am proud to be your mom. You bring me such joy. I hope I am being the mom you need me to be. I wouldn't change anything about you. I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you add to our family. I love you. You are my light.
Dear Me,
Oh, Jennifer...what a year this has been. But look at this picture- my face has joy. I have found joy even in the darkest of days. I looked at the letter to myself last year and am finding wisdom in my old words, especially the "letting go of what I can't control." I had no idea, when I wrote that last year, how true those words would be. I've never done harder work for me or my family than I have the last 10 months. I know that hard work will continue. I have had some slips, but for the most part have kept grace throughout this whole thing. I need to forgive myself for being human when I feel things that aren't "me" but rather feelings that are completely natural (or so I'm told- ha!) I am ready for 2016. I am tired of telling this story and ready to tell a new one. I knew I was loved and supported, but never knew how much until this year. I will no longer spend energy or focus on the disappointments in this process and shift my focus solely to the incredible, and expanding village we have. It's beyond amazing! I know this roller coaster is far from over, but I'm leaving so many things behind in 2015. 2016 will have purpose and focus and a full heart, knowing that I am lifted up by so many amazing souls- knowing that I am more than enough. I want to be an example for my children- they are pure light and love. I am a better mom, sister, friend, teacher, niece, cousin, daughter. I am ready to be back in my skin and shine. I will continue to be better.
So I close the chapter on 2015- a year of change and growth and all sorts of things.
I cheers to 2016- a year of change and growth and all sorts of things!!!
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