Pinecrest 2013

It was another fantastic camping trip. It was warm and the lake was perfect. We hiked, swam, laughed, played. I love being totally disconnected from our phones and just enjoying nature, family, and friends. Ryan was hit with a bit of sun sickness (hence the sad face in the picture) and took a 4.5 hour nap after we got back from the lake that day- sad! We consumed the most delicious food and drink. The highlight for me was when we were all sitting around the camp fire our last night and we were telling progressive stories. You know, one person starts it, the next person adds to it and so on. The kids were cracking up and so were the adults! This trip never disappoints. I love being outside, in nature and having no idea of the time. We explore, play, climb and swim. The lake is beautiful and it never gets old. I know I write about this trip every year, but it really is my favorite. It's a ton of work before, during, and after but it's just the best. I know camping isn't Josh's favorite thing to do but he is a trooper.  It was a great time. I am missing the smell of pine trees already...and, to be honest, the taste of s'mores as well.

June

I can't believe June was here and gone. It really flew by. We are on TOTAL summer vacation mode and I love it. Late mornings, play dates, and family get togethers. I am pretty sure I say this every summer, but this has been the best summer yet. The kids are getting easier all of the time. I am loving this time off and cherish it so much.

 One thing about summer vacation is the water play. Both Haley and Ryan love the water. It's a good thing, because if they didn't I don't know what I would do. I could live in the water and have been known, from time to time, to not get out of it for hours. The kids feel the same way about it.

 The cupcakes? I made them for Ryan's birthday party. The cocktail? Aqui has 7 new martini swirls. Oh, yes. This one was a mojito swirl and it was DE-VINE.

 We went with some friends to see "Monsters University" the day it came out. There were 18 of us and we took over an entire row at the theater. I loved the movie as it was a "Revenge of the Nerds" remake for kids with monsters. So great. We all came back to our house for a casual dinner- 11 kids running around, playing and sweating. Total chaos-complete enjoyment by all.

 Last year, while we were away in Cancun, the kids enjoyed the day camp through Campbell Community Center. This year they asked to do it again, and again loved it. They both asked for more weeks- um, no. You are forced to hang out with me :) I enjoyed my time during camp week too, but one week is plenty.

Last summer a mom at Capri started family beach days. It was a beautiful day in Santa Cruz last week and look at all the kids! Hours in the waves and plenty of time for me to catch up with some moms. Summer life is heavenly. I'm in total bliss.

Father's Day at the Park

This very well could have been the best Father's Day yet. Everyone is healthy and we were all together. What is better than that?

 We started off tailgating with all of the necessary items: sausages, dogs, chips, fruit, beer and margaritas. It was Joni and possibly Lloyd's first tailgate ever. WHAT?! It was a success.

 Two daughters and a beer- a master of his art.

 We had fun seats behind home plate, in the shade- thank goodness! I remember the days when I would go to games and sit in the blazing hot sun and love that I got some color. Yah, those days are long gone. The shade was perfection.

 So awesome that Jake and Cita and family were able to make it last minute. The day was complete!

 We saw 4 home runs from the A's and a 9-2 win. AWESOME! The kids were great and had so much fun. The day was really just fabulous.

 This guy was the most excited when the home runs were hit. He was up and dancing and cheering!

Hmmm...perhaps a new Father's Day tradition??? The A's just need to be in town every Father's Day from now on. No problem. :)

5

Yesterday Ryan turned 5. WOW!

I mean, really. My youngest is 5?!  He woke up bright and early, announced he was five and showed us how his muscles were bigger now. Of course we had cake and opened presents first thing in the morning- such a great tradition. We then celebrated Ryan's birthday at preschool. They do a beautiful activity with Ryan and the seasons changing and the earth revolving to show his 5 years here. We then had a family dinner- breakfast for dinner per the birthday boy's request.

Ryan loves to imagine and is so detailed in his stories. He enjoys writing books and illustrating them as well. He enjoys building and creating and will often build space ships. He is polite and curious.

Ryan is feisty and will get frustrated if you aren't "with" him at all times. "Mom, remember this story?" and if I don't it's not fun for him. He is fine to play alone but if you are playing together all is well if your mind doesn't wander for one second.

Ryan enjoys playing outside on his motorcycle (big wheel) and bike. He instantly turns any play area into an imaginary land where he is "wefeating" the bad guys.

He is funny as all can be and he makes us laugh every day. His smile lights up his whole being. We wouldn't change a thing about him.

Happy birthday to our Ryan. You are sunshine.

May

May was REALLY fun. We went to Las Vegas, a friend turned 40, enjoy the LG Wine Walk with friends and family, started swim lessons for the season, saw Ryan shine at his Open House, sipped wine with gals at Mom's Night Out at Clos the Chance, enjoyed a family wedding, celebrated birthdays and Mother's Day, and Josh went on his fancy trip to New York and Las Vegas. Really can't complain.

cx

Yes, I know there is a drink on our hands in every picture. It was that kind of month :)

You're a Good Mom

These are not my words. I saw this link of Facebook and am reposting it here. I have written a lot, in the past, about moms judging other moms. I really like this...

To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom. 

To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

To the cloth diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest, and so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

To the disposable diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot, and it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry! You're a good mom.

To the mom who stays home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing. You're a good mom.

To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career, you're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic. You're a good mom.

To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

To the mom who gave her kids a homecooked breakfast lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy foods at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos, it takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: they always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

I really do think that a good mom is one who loves their child/ren. It looks differently for all of us. I actually needed this reminder after this weekend when I saw a child acting out in a way that I found completely unacceptable-I am talking Veruca Salt behavior. I was also appalled at how the parents acted and responded- again straight out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Then, today I saw this. Talk about a smack in the face :)

My Visit to Jason

It's been almost 6 months since this picture was taken. I see this photo and can feel how I felt on this day. I was high from the visit for almost 2 days after it. You know, from this previous post, that things did not work out as we all hoped.

This past weekend I visited Jason for the first time since his December arrest. We had exchanged some letters, but this was face to face time.

Last week I was getting ready one morning and it was just very clear that I wanted a visit. He is still at the main jail in San Jose. Everyone who knows me knows that once something is in my head, it doesn't leave until I act on it. So, I hopped out of bed Saturday morning and headed down to the jail.

The last time I visited Jason while he was incarcerated was when I was first pregnant with Haley. I hated the experience and swore I'd never do it again. Here I was, 9 years later, registering to visit my brother in jail.

Again, I hated the experience and have sworn to never do it again. I wanted to punch one of the officers in the face. He treated everyone like a low life. Complete positional power, no respect. I get that they deal with a bunch of shit in there, but how about starting off kind and then acting as needed? He took one tone with me and I immediately swelled up with tears. Bastard.

I had read all of the requirements online to make sure I had what I needed. Well, things were a bit different and I had to wait in the waiting room with no book and no phone- for 2 hours. There was also no clock in the room so I decided to ask the above mentioned officer that I understand that there are rules, but was there a reason there was no clock in the room? He could sense my sarcasm (shocker) and  took a tone with me that warned that he had the power and had no problem asking me to leave.

For 2 hours I watched him talk to people like dirt. It was awful and I wanted to get up, rally everyone, and make him hear that he was wrong! Instead, I sat and stared at the wall where I thought a clock should be until my group was called.

We headed up an elevator to the 4th floor where the doors opened and we were let out. I could see that the visit would be in those booths with the phones and the glass. I started crying again. I had changed my mind and wanted to leave. What was I doing here? The last time I visited Jason was in a big room with a bunch of tables. Instead, here I was, watching them walk my brother in, in shackles and I picked up the phone.

He looked physically strong but his eyes looked tired.

Our visit was honest, at least on my end. At one point I could feel him go into victim mode and I don't do well with that. I got some things out and I think he heard them. He has some real pain when it comes to our family and only tends to latch onto times where he felt wronged by us. I told him I wished he would pick different situations to cling to. Like the recent times when we rallied and supported him and told him we loved him numerous times. He says he doesn't blame us but it's obvious he has some deeply rooted issues there.

We talked about the kids and the family. The conversation flowed through serious and casual talk.

He is sentenced at the end of this month and his parole officer says he will get 10 years in prison. He is sad about the choices he made to get himself back in this situation. I asked him what he wants us to do in 10 years, if he gets out and this happens again. He didn't really know what to say. We ended our conversation on a good note and he expressed how happy he was to see me and how much it meant. We both said, "I love you" and then the phone cut out.

This week I haven't been sleeping well even though I am exhausted. I am waking up with a few of the same physical symptoms I had when Jason was out and using. The visit was was tough but I am glad I went.

I have fantasized about going in with a hidden camera and humiliating that officer on one of those "Caught in the Act" shows.

But then I am reminded of the one prescribed prayer I say. I said it all the way to the car on the way out of the main jail:

God, grant me the serenity the accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.