8

June 11, 2016- Ryan is 8.

8 years of this cute face.
8 years of the most amazing laugh.
8 years of pure boy (and pure joy).

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Ryan,

You are a sweet sensitive (and very funny) soul. In your 8 years you have your parents so proud, your sister laugh more than ever, your grandparents beam with pride. You are smart and goofy and playful and creative. You are a good friend. Your energy is one that people want to be around.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BOY!

Mother's Day Version 11.0

Yesterday I celebrated my 11th Mother's Day as a mom. I still feel like a rookie every single day. It's funny because I have thought about so many things to write in this post, as being a mom entails so much, but I will stick with the dream I had Mother's Day Eve. 

I had a dream that I had the kids at the beach and they ran into school kids I didn't recognize. I thought how nice and fun it would be for the kids. As they played, at one point, I noticed Haley's body language change in the group she was in. I observed from my beach chair and knew something was up. A minute later, she walked over and sat down next to me. I asked her what was going on and she said it was no big deal. I asked her what happened and she told me that she was being teased and she told me exactly what the kids had said to her.

Although it was a dream, it was vivid (as all my dreams are) and I could feel the heat starting in my chest and rising to my face. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and I looked over at the kids laughing and playing after hurting my child. I gritted my teeth and charged over to the kids, feeling my rage growing with every heavy footed step. I wildly laid into all of them. I don't remember what I said, but I remember losing it completely and the anger being out of control. You see, Haley was fine and I was blowing a gasket.

This is motherhood. Of course I would never charge a group of 11 year olds and start screaming (well, at least I haven't yet) but the point is, I would definitely want to.Being a mom is no friggin' joke. It's like in certain scenes in movies when you see a part played out of  what the character wants to do, instead of what s/he actually does. That happens to moms all the time. We picture ridding ANYONE who brings any sort of harm to our children. I feel feelings I have never felt before. 

I feel fierce. 

I feel like a warrior. 

I feel unstoppable- un-mess-with-able (look for that word coming soon on Urban Dictionary).

I feel love like no other. 

I would do ANYTHING for them to be ok and better than ok and pain free and have their needs met. ANYTHING. 

And that about sums it up. Happy Mother's Day!

Laughing

I am laughing that I posted that article about Letting Go, two times and am JUST REALIZING IT! Haha. I'm a dork, but that obviously resonated with me!

Dad's 70th

This guy turned 70. We celebrated with family and it was a perfect celebration. My dad is a pretty incredible human being. He has lived quite the life. He is a strong and beautiful man. I feel blessed to have been raised by him and still learn important life lessons from him. He's the best.

Cheers to 70 more years!

Jennifer Garner

                             

I have always liked Jennifer Garner.I like the way she presents herself in the public eye. Of course I don't know her, but she was pregnant with her daughter while I was pregnant with Ryan. Her marriage ended the same time/month that mine did- so I actually think of her often.She and I are on the same timeline of these things. Is that weird? Haha.
 I have read her recent interviews about how she's doing and how she's moving on and I have compared it to how I am doing. She's strong and stoic and graceful (at least to the media)- exactly how I want to be.

Last night I saw her movie "Miracle From Heaven." This movie is the true story about a little girl with an incurable disease that miraculously is cured when she falls down a tree head first. I promise I didn't ruin it. It's all in the previews!

I am not religious, but very spiritual. The movie hit home and I felt even more connected to her because of the role she portrayed and the message she helped send. The bottom line is that whether we are religious or not, miracles happen every single day, every single moment. We need to see them as such. People see miracles as these huge unexplained acts or happenings. Yes, there are those. But the message also showed that most miracles are in our every day lives.

Miracles are in the faces of those we love. Miracles are in strangers' acts of kindness. It's easy to see all that is wrong or all that you wish for. If we focus on miracles and recognize them when they occur, our lives are much richer. It has nothing to do with religion or faith, but what is happening to you and around you every single day.

See the movie. It's worth it.  Jennifer and I should meet for a drink one day :)

Women's Weekend

A few years ago, the women in my family started an annual get away. The 5 of us have stayed in Napa (twice),  Bodega Bay, and Sea Ranch.




This is where I meditated- on the property of where we were staying!

And, of course- delicious cocktails and food:)





Each weekend we have is pretty remarkable. It helps that the women in this group are amazing. I feel so blessed to have my family be my friends.

7 Steps to Letting Go and Moving On

The following article was sent by a friend. I find myself reading it a few times a week. It resonates so much. I am putting it here as a gift to Haley and Ryan (and those of you who check in here). I find it full of wisdom. We all have something to let go of and move on from...

You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is. This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc.

It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you.

The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits. The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values. So you cherish all the memories, but find yourself letting go and moving on.

If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit awkward, and that’s OK. This feeling is normal. I’ve been right there with you on more occasions than I can count.

The key thing to realize is that holding on is like believing that there’s only a past; letting go and moving on is knowing in your heart that there’s a bright future ahead. Let’s take a look at seven ways to design the latter.

1. Accept the truth and be thankful. – To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow. It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead. It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes, to trust your intuition, to learn as you go, to realize that every experience has value, and to continue taking positive steps forward.

2. Distance yourself for a while. – Sometimes you need to take several steps back in order to gain clarity on a situation. The best way to do this is to simply take a break and explore something else for a while. Why? So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes. And the people there may see you differently too. Returning where you started is entirely different than never leaving.

3. Focus only on what can be changed. – Realize that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood. Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change. Focus exclusively on what you can change, and if you can’t change something you don’t like, change the way you think about it. Review your options and then re-frame what you don’t like into a starting point for achieving something better.

4. Claim ownership and full control of your life. – No one else is responsible for you. You are in full control of your life so long as you claim it and own it. Through the grapevine, you may have learned that you should blame your parents, your teachers, your mentors, the education system, the government, etc., but never to blame yourself. Right? It’s never, ever your fault… WRONG! It’s always your fault, because if you want to change, if you want to let go and move on with your life, you’re the only person who can make it happen.

5. Focus inward. – It’s important to make a difference in the world. Yes, it’s important to help people, but you have to start with yourself. If you’re looking outside yourself to find where you fit in or how you can create an impact, stop and look inside yourself instead. Review who you already are, the lifestyle you’re currently living, and what makes you feel alive. Then nurture these things and make positive adjustments until your current life can no longer contain them, forcing you to grow and move beyond your current circumstances.

6. Change the people around you when you must. – Some people come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them. They are supposed to be part of your memory, not your destiny. The bottom line is that when you have to start compromising your happiness and your potential for the people around you, it’s time to change the people around you. It’s time to join local meet-ups, attend conferences, network online, and find a more supportive tribe.

7. Focus on today. – You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future. Figure out what the next positive step is, no matter how small or difficult, and take it. Ultimately, the only thing you can ever really do is to keep moving forward. There’s no point in denying that things are different now, or being fearful of the next step. Life only moves in one direction – forward.