Lessons

I am learning so many lessons right now. These are huge lessons that are making me a stronger woman and better mom, friend, family member, teacher, and person.

You never know what to get someone when something like this happens to them. There is no "Your Life Just Came Crumbling Down" section on Amazon Prime. One friend sent me a Nutri Bullet with a note that just said, "take care of yourself". One friend sent me a spiritual healing bracelet.
Another friend sent me a subscription to "The Daily Word", a daily affirmation. These affirmations help me set my purpose for the day. Some hit home more than others. This is one of them.

The ones I share here are the ones I want my kids to read when they see this blog.

I am grateful for the lessons in my life.

As children head back to school, I reflect on how much I am still learning. I look for lessons in my actions, reactions, and feelings. I turn within on challenging days. I listen to my inner wisdom and learn how I may handle a situation better next time. I give thanks for everything I learn- from finding a shortcut saving me time to discerning when to make my next big move.

Every encounter is a chance to learn. I see with eyes of curiosity, wondering what insight I may gain from each interaction. I release judgment and replace it with acceptance and gratitude. When I find patterns I want to change or reinforce, I open myself to Spirit's guidance. God shows me the next right action. Lifelong learning leaves me fulfilled and at peace.

YES

My therapist, along with 2 other people, have challenged me with something. They have challenged me to just start saying yes to things. Before all of this, saying yes was easy for me. I liked the idea of new experiences and new adventures.

It turns out, I only liked it because it really didn't change anything of value in my life. I don't like change. Big or small. I never really have- unless it was foreseeable change (getting married, buying a new house, the birth of our children, a new job).

This unexpected HUGE life change has me kind of crawling and shriveling in. This is not me and never has been. Turns out I only like change that I have decided upon. Imagine that!

So, I am going to try and start saying yes. Who knows what new life adventures it could bring? I started today by RSVPing to my high school reunion next month. There was no part of me that wanted to go and have to face where I am in my life. But, it's out of my comfort zone and I said yes.

Baby steps...

Better

I was flattened, numb, crushed. I am better by baby steps.

One way that I am better is in my classroom. The last 3 months of the school year last year were a fog. I was a zombie going through the motions. My students didn't deserve that and I hate that it happened for them. I know they didn't notice, but I sure did. I have always prided myself in my work in education.

Because of all of this I am a better teacher. Last night was Back to School Night. A mom came up to me after all others were gone to tell me that she and her husband separated this summer and that she is concerned for her child. 6th grade is a big transition and so much was changing for her son. He was having a hard time with the split.

This story has been told to me for many many years by parents. I have always been appreciative of them filling me in and have always kept the information in my mind while holding compassion for the situation.

This time was different. My heart fell for her and her son. I FELT her pain and worry and concern. I looked her square in the eyes and told her,
" I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. My heart aches for every single one of you. I will do anything for you and your son to make this transition a safe and smooth one. I promise to tell you anything I see that I'd want to know as a parent. Your son is safe here and I am so glad he is in my class this year. My door is always open for you and him for anything you need."

Her eyes filled with tears and she gave me a huge hug. I hugged her back and let her be the one to decide when to let go.

I will be a better teacher from this point on.

And better is better.

Choosing Light

I was reading something lately and it really struck a cord.

The quote was "I choose to light a candle instead of cursing the darkness."

Every day I "light a candle" and when the kids are older and I introduce this blog to them and invite them to read it from the beginning, I want them to know that during this painful and dark time, we lit candles every day.

It's not hard to find light when you are surrounded by it. The few times and days that feel like the candle can't hold it's strength against the dark, I realize those are the days that I only need to see what's right in front of me- all that the candle can illuminate.

Most moments and days I light my candle and that light shows how many loved ones are lighting one for us too.

I want the kids to know that even though the world, as we knew it, fell out from under us, we are surrounded by love and light. We are blessed by family and friends who would and do drop everything for us. What a gift from beyond.

I want the kids to know that when life gets dark, there is always light. ALWAYS. And in our blessed life, it is very easy to find because it surrounds and envelopes us. This family is so loved.

I want the kids to know that when you choose light there is no way to stay in the darkness. This does not mean push your low feelings aside or dismiss what is really happening. It's important to feel the feelings. I just mean that behind the clouds there is the sun. It shines all the time, even when we can't see it,.it never goes away. It's waiting to shine bright and make the coldness warm. Even the night has stars and the moon shining brightly.

Such is life. When we take comfort in knowing that there is always light, we can get through the hard times that feel unbearable.

I promise to always find the light for myself and for the kids.

 "I choose to light a candle instead of cursing the darkness"  OK- I may need to drop a few F Bombs at the darkness before I strike that match.

Loving With Gratitude

Life has taken a real sharp turn these last several months. Meditation is a gift that grounds me. If you have not checked out the free meditation series done by Deepak and Oprah I HIGHLY recommend it. Especially if you've never meditated before.

This morning this was the opening message and I had to write it down. It is a message filled with such truth. It's a message that is now part of me and one I want to be made clear to Haley and Ryan, now and always.

There are really only 2 emotions in life-love and fear.

When we open ourselves to loving and expressing love from a place of gratitude, something miraculous happens. Fear starts to melt away. Love is one of life's greatest teachers. Through love we experience joy, acceptance, and freedom. You realize that gratitude is not so much about how someone else receives or responds to it, rather, it's about you connecting with the truest expression of yourself.

 When you choose to love everything and everybody around you, you send a clear message to the universe. My love transcends fear, anger, rejection. I love even those who have hurt me because they're the ones who need it the most.

 I am thankful for every experience, good or bad, and for how it shaped me into the person I am today. Loving fearlessly through gratitude is one of the most courageous things a human being can do. 

So, I breathe in loving with gratitude and no fear.

7

This kid is 7 years old. SEVEN!!!
He is wonderful, smart, funny, loving, kind, and a ray of sunshine.

Haley- Softball

Haley tried a new sport this spring! It is always challenging to try a new sport at this age when most other players have been playing for years. It was an intense commitment- 2 practices and 2 games a week. I do love the game and I especially loved watching Haley grow in it. Her coaches could not have been better for her. They were the perfect mix of caring and loving while also pushing her to pay attention and do her best and, taught her about the game itself. There are so many things to think about in softball. It's all so situational.

This is her game face!

She had a few great plays including her first double in her last game. The stands and the dug out went nuts for her. She was so proud of herself, you could see it across the field.

It was a wonderful season. I loved watching her play. SO PROUD!