I would normally be able to speak without reading right off the paper, but not today. Today I do not want to skip a single word I intend to say.
Writing this was so hard. I have written and rewritten so many times. I tried to find the exact words to capture how I feel about my dad, but no words exist that do those feelings justice. As my brother and I talked about this day and what we wanted to say, we both spoke about how everything sounded so cliche. He was the best man I’ve ever known, He was the best dad on the planet...we’ve heard it all from other people before. And our dad isn’t other people. In our eyes, he was better than all of us.
Look around this room. There are people here who were with him on his last day on earth and there are people here who haven’t seen him in years and years and all in between. There are folks here who he coached in little league and haven’t seen him since, or who I went to elementary school with who I haven’t seen since. What a tribute to an incredible man.
You have heard from his friends, and cousin and niece and granddaughter. You have heard that he was family to all of them whether blood related or not. That was my dad. He made you feel like family. He asked and he listened and he remembered. If you were having a conversation with him in the middle of 200 people, he would make you feel like the only person in the room.
For example, he used to walk up to me in any social occasion and put his arm around me and say in my ear, “You are the most beautiful woman in this room, don’t tell your mom”
What you all saw in my dad is what we got at home. Growing up with him and my mom included constant laughing and music and playing. I mean constant.
- We all shared one shower growing up and we’d crack up as we’d run in, dump a cup of cold water on the person and run out.
- Wherehouse adult movies- my dad pushed me behind the curtain and yelled, “there’s a kid in the dirty movie section!” I died.
- Scary movie- delightful squeals- He would run around and pound on our window after we watched a scary movie.
- He dared us to do ridiculous things for a dollar
- Coach- little league and soccer
- Ski day- It was the end of the day and it was blizzarding. He and I braved one more run and we couldn’t see each other. He said we’d meet at the bottom of teh hill. As we skied I heard a “Hmmph!” and then I saw his ski go by. I got to him and he had snow in his mustache and his goggles were crooked. We could not stop laughing.
He taught me so much about life in the most unassuming way.
My house was one filled with music growing up. Both my parents have always loved to dance but my dad taught me. He would take me in his arms and twirl me around and if you’ve ever been with me on a dance floor you know how dancing brings me pure joy.
He taught us to believe in our worth- to be strong in our values. He joked with me as a kid. I was a total tomboy and he would say- you could easily be Miss America if you didn’t have scars all up and down your legs!
He taught us to live with no regrets- if you want to do something to DO IT! He shared that once the Beatles came to Sac and he said he would catch them next time and then they broke up. He always regretted it. So to NEVER pass up an opportunity. Do it now; don’t wait. He lived a life showing that experiences and togetherness are far more important than any material things. In the last month my mom and brother and I have said many times that because of that modeling, we truly have no regrets. He knows how we feel about him and we know how he feels about us.
No regrets.
He taught us to value family above all else. Every single time we got together he would always toast to family. He would say, family is the most important thing. Nothing else matters as long as you have your family together.
Our times together as a family brought such bliss. And just so much laughter. My brothers and I have always loved teasing my mom. My dad would get it on it sometimes and just crack up. Then when it would be time for us to go he would say, “huh? You’re leaving? Don’t leave me alone with mom. I’m in trouble!”
No marriage is perfect, but my parents’ love was perfect. He modeled how to love your spouse. Look at this photo. He’s looking at my mom. He was so proud to be my mom’s husband. He was so proud that she was his wife. The love between them is like nothing I’ve ever seen.
Just this Thanksgiving my mom was making gravy. We all know to get out of the kitchen because she stresses. My dad and I stood there and we looked up and my mom was dancing around the kitchen by herself. My dad turned to me and said, that’s what I love about your mom, she loves life so much and doesn’t give a shit!
I was talking to my mom the other day and she was sharing that she doesn’t know what her future looks like, Because she’s not quite sure what was her and what was my dad because they were so merged. She questioned if she would even still follow baseball..And don’t worry, of course she will still follow baseball...go Dodgers! (See Dad? I snuck in props to the Dodgers and no one can boo me!)
My dad was an example of how to be a grandfather. Tata was always in the mix- wrestling, throwing the kids in the pool, making everything a game. Please feel free to ask any of them about the tale of the chubby boy scout. He LOVED and adored his grandkids and boy did they know it. What a true gift.
My dad was also an example of how to love your children. In October we had a rare private and serious conversation. He expressed his concerns for me and said he wanted me to know my worth in the world. He told me how extremely proud he was of me as a woman, sister, daughter, teacher, the friend I am to others, and especially the mom I have become. He shared that he was proud of my strength. My heart swelled as he spoke to me, because I could see that for once he was not laughing. He was looking into my eyes and speaking to my soul. He shared all of the things he wanted for me in my life. And dad, please know that I heard and have absorbed every single word and wish you have for me. I work on being more like you every single day and I know that I will continue to make you proud.
As you know, my dad was an example of so many things- how to be a father, how to be a husband, how to be a grandpa, brother, uncle, cousin, nephew, friend, how to be a man.
He had such a beautiful quiet strength. He didn’t always use words- he led by example. He lived by example.
He affected all of us and made all of us better. To be around him meant you were laughing and “bullshitting” but it also meant that you were truly connecting.
My friend sent me this just yesterday and I know it captures how everyone in this room feels…
“All I see when I think about him is his big smile, hearty laugh, amazing hugs, and genuine interest when we spoke”
It only took one time being around him to know who he was and want more. Everyone says to us that they are sorry for our loss. Well, I want to say to you that I am sorry for all of you and your loss of my dad. He is so loved and will be so missed.
So,if you want to honor my dad today, please share stories with us and each other, And, if you want to be more like Jake, live with intention, have no regrets, connect with family, and laugh your ass off.
Please raise your glass- “ to my dad- the one and only. To all that he was, to all that he is, and to all that he will continue be in all of our lives and hearts.”
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