Words from a Grieving Friend

Ken posted this in response to the loss of their son. I know that people grieve in different ways, but I thought it was brave and helpful. These words have helped me with anyone who may be grieving. Perhaps you will gain some insight too.

"Attention ALL friends and loved ones. As most of you know, Courtney and I lost our beloved baby boy, Cavan, due to an umbilical cord accident, 2 days before his due date, back on March 6th. Now, you all have been so amazing, and compassionate, and we are so thankful for your thoughts, prayers, dropped off dinners, groceries, and other ways you've all helped. 

I wanted to write a little excerpt to let you all know how to handle us. We know this is a hard subject to deal with, and we know many of you don't exactly know how to breach the subject, or if you should even bring it up. Let me tell you these "Do's and Don'ts", in hopes to carify things a bit.

Do:
Please DO ask us about Cavan. Acknowledging that he existed warms our hearts, and truly lets us remember him as a member of our family.

Please DO ask to see his pictures, or even the memorial we have set up in his room.

Please DO share your feelings with us. We know you are grieving, as well, and we understand that you might not know what to say, or how to say it. As a matter of fact, you can tell us exactly that. Its perfectly ok to say that you don't know what to say.

Please DO treat us normally. We still love to laugh and see our friends and family. We appreciate you all so very much. Even the ones we see or speak to rarely.

Please DO give us a hug, or a hand shake, and smile. Telling us its good to see us, makes us feel like part of society again.

And finally, please DO ask us any questions you may have. We are open to discussing our situation. Our lives are different now. Forever changed by this event. But we are still your friends......your family.

DON'TS:
DON'T tell us it was God's will. We respect your faith and beliefs. Please respect our lack of such, during this time.

DON'T tell us that he is in a better place. Unless you want a swift punch in your pie hole as those words are coming out of your mouth, steer clear of that sentence, or any like it. The best place he could possibly be is here, with us.

DON'T look at us with pity in your eyes, or talk to us with a pity tone in your voice. We know you care, and we know you feel so very sorry for what has happened. All your sentiments..........we know, and we love you all very much for your love of us.

DON'T ignore us, or what has happened. Cavan is our son. He always will be. He will always be in our hearts and on our minds, so we love talking about him.

DON'T be affraid of bringing him, or the situation, up at any time. You will not "remind" of us of the tragedy by talking about it. It's ALWAYS on our mind.

And finally, DON'T let this be the topic of conversation ALL the time. Hearing how you guys are doing, how your kids are doing, funny stories, and all around general topics of conversation, all help give us a slight bit of reprieve from otherwise heavily burdened minds.

So, i'm sure I have left a few things out, so If I think of them, I will add them into the comments. Also, if you are unsure of how to approach or talk to us, please feel free to message me either on here or in private.

We can't thank you all enough for the love, compassion, support, and tenderness you've all shared with us. We are overwhelmed by it all. We love you all very much."