I became a mom in 2005. I parent every day of my life and realize I will for the rest of my life. It's hard work. REALLY hard work. What I mean by that is even on the easiest day -no whining, fighting, melt downs- there are all of these moments that require parenting or little lessons. Unlike the Cleavers (and if you don't know "Leave it To Beaver" go check out a few minutes of one episode), things don't always wrap up with a smile in 30 minutes.
When I first had Haley I read a lot. I had books on hand to read about feeding, bathing, sleeping and developmental stages. As funny as this sounds, books and magazine articles and the Internet were not the best approach for me. It made me question my parenting and question my child's abilities. It made me insecure and who needs that as a new parent? So, I stopped reading as much and starting observing. I watched parents interact with their kids. I listened to tones. I saw moms and dads get down to the child's level and look them in the eye. I watched as a parent would take their child aside and speak to him versus yelling across the way or disciplining him in front of everyone. I also saw behaviors I wanted to stay away from (telling children they are being ridiculous for not wanting to ride a roller coaster or put their faces in the water).
I took what I liked and left what I didn't. I still do this all of the time. I have been so surprised at the things that I find hard to teach. My children have manners, but how do I teach them to BE grateful? How do I instill a value system that is consistent with ours? Why can you describe someone as tall, thin, by eye color or hair color, by what they are wearing, but not fat or by the color of their skin?
I have been surprised at how parenting is an on the spot job. You don't know what the day will bring you, what will come out of your children's mouths, how they will act or react. Josh and I parent from our values and approaches we find natural and from what we've seen from, what we consider, good parenting.
A good friend just went to a speaker night about parenting. The speaker explained that we should raise our families with a goal in mind. Of course we want it all- well rounded, well adjusted, smart kids. She explained to pick the three values that are most important to you and drive those home. Josh and I talked about it and it was not easy as we listed so many things! We decided on our top 4 (couldn't leave it at 3)
We want our kids
1. to be kind
2. to be respectful
3. to have self worth
4. to live by a set of morals/ values that we find just
She said to keep those things in mind when parenting and wanting an outcome with your children and to base all decision making on those goals. Interesting and makes sense!!
Being a mom is the best job I've ever had. It's cliche, but it's true. I am always learning and reflecting. I have old posts about my thoughts here and here.
I am doing the best I can. My kids know that we love them. That feels good.
Now, wouldn't it be an awesome "Saturday Night Live" skit to have the Cleavers deal with Wally on drugs or The Beave in jail or Mr. Cleaver gong through a midlife crisis or Mrs. Cleaver hitting menopause? Something to make them real!!
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