A Letter to My Family- 2022

 Time for the annual letter. Every year when I sit down to write this, I have so much to say and hope my words capture my heart. 

To Both of You Knuckleheads,

What a year we've had. You two light up my world in all the ways. My favorite time spent is with you, whether we are out on an adventure or just hanging out at home. You continue to make me proud of the people you are and are growing up to be. I'm your biggest cheerleader. Always.

My Dear Ryan,

High school! You're just finishing your first semester of your freshman year. You continue to grow and mature into a stellar young man. You are a typical teen in the sense that you hang mostly in your room, hang out with friends, do all the fun things at school, and prefer junk food over a balanced meal. You are atypical in your sensitivity and awareness in the world. You are naturally helpful and kind and well mannered. Your ability to make up words and names so naturally, cracks me up! Your creative mind still blows me away and I know that it will take you anywhere you want to go. I try so hard to honor your privacy and life as a teenager while still wanting to know about your life and wanting you to know that I'm here for anything you want or need. My highlight with you this year was the Imagine Dragons concert. It was just the two of us, laughing, singing, dancing, people watching, and soaking it all in. I admire your integrity as a human being. I enjoy your outstanding sense of humor. I adore our relationship. You fill my soul and I am so proud to be your mom. I love you.

                              

My Dear Haley,

I truly and fully cannot wrap my head around the fact that this is your senior year. The whole college application process, along with a few acceptances so far, have made all of it very real. You are a typical teen in that you love drama shows on TV, you have your crushes both celebrity and real life, and you have a fun friend group. You are atypical in that you are wise beyond your years and you hang out with me at home! haha. You are funny and sarcastic (which is also funny). You are responsible and self aware. Your hard work through the years has brought you to this place, where you will have options for next year. I have always tried to be there for you when and how you need. I admire your strong sense of self. My highlight with you this year has been our couch time- bonding, laughing, and crying over the shows or movies we have watched. Just being in the same space in that way brought me so much joy.  I adore our relationship. You fill my soul and I am so proud to be your mom. I love you.

                                

My Turn!

I think this first picture captures how I felt this year- the highest level of calm and peace in my soul. My heart is contented. My life feels solid. My kids are healthy and well. All of my relationships feel good. I have the best friends a gal could dream of. I have taken on new challenges at work that fuel my passion. I feel like I am living aligned with myself  and my values. The biggest highlight of the year was connecting with someone who has added pure joy to my life. I had been happy for quite some time before we met. Very happy, in fact. I am very picky about who I invite in, because when you live a happy life, why would you accept anything or anyone that brought it down even one degree? Well, with Dave the happiness has grown exponentially. He's funny, intelligent, thoughtful, easy going, and honest. It's been almost a year and I am enjoying every second of it. I'm proud of myself for opening my heart to someone who doesn't make it feel scary to do so. I cherish our connection.

                                 

Cheers to 2022. It was a year I won't forget. This blog has become birthdays and annual letters. I INTEND to be better. I really do!

He's 14, and this post is ridiculously late

 

Ok, It's September and I am finally posting Ryan's 14th birthday post. Just looking through photos to post made my heart swell. He is my baby even though he towers over me and can beat me in arm wrestling after so many years of sweet victory for me.

Ryan has grown into a young man that I truly adore. He is calm and kind. He continues to be social and funny. Look at his little face evolve into a young man!

My life would not be the same without his soul in it. He can be stubborn, but he always processes and circles back.

I know I say this every year, but he is the funniest dude, and it's because he doesn't really mean to be!

I love that he was born to us. Happy birthday, my beautiful Ryan!

She's 17

 17! This one seems like maybe the most shocking one so far? I mean, 17?! Haley, you are a serious gem. You have always been older than your years. How are we looking at colleges? How are you toward the end of your junior year? You are so fun to be around. You are into DVD sets, old and new dramas on TV, poke bowls, boneless wings, edamame, cucumbers, hot cheetos, and music (as always). You have enjoyed designing your room with posters, mostly old school. You are a home body and enjoy your down time. You are most comfortable in sweats and under a blanket. You are mature and so funny, smart and sassy. You make me so damn proud.

You changed my life the day you were born. You just keep getting better and better, my beautiful and brave girl. Cheers to 17 years!

A Letter to My Family-2021

Each year I write a letter to my family at the end of the year. I have been away from this blog the last few years. The whole purpose of starting the blog years ago was to capture our life, growing up together. I want to be better this year. I love looking at old posts and reliving life's memories. 

I usually write the letter from youngest to oldest. This year I am going to start a bit differently, and write to both of you kids with common words for you both. 

Dearest Ryan and Haley,

Once again, I find myself writing about my awe of you. 2021 included learning from home, a masked life, adjustments and cancellations of social plans and get aways. You have remained flexible and understanding of this shift in life. I am so intentional about the mom I try to be for you. I know that you are individual from each other, but try to remain fair and equitable. The biggest word that comes to mind when I think about you is PROUD. You continue to grow into people of integrity, love, and awareness. I love the feel of our home when you are in it. It feels light. It feels warm. It feels fun. It feels perfect.  I sometimes struggle with the line between supporting your independence and the amount of guidance I offer. I want to be there for you while also allowing life to be what it is for each of you. Please know that I am always trying to be better for you, and for myself. My life with you is my definition of love. I have so many dreams for you. I see you. I hear you. I love you. You are the sun.

My Dearest Ryan,

This picture was taken at the start of the year at Pinecrest when we skied at Dodge Ridge. You've grown at least 5 feet since then. Haha! I enjoy so much about you, but this year the stand out was seeing you go back to school and applying all the skills you worked hard on during online school. I see such a shift in your confidence as a student. You hold yourself to a high standard and then live up to it. Besides school, I have watched you enjoy social life as a teen. You are so kind and thoughtful. You are a good friend. I am proud of the way you treat people- friends, peers, family, adults. Your creative self continues to grow and create wondrous things! You are still the one who makes us laugh and remain the running champion of "whoever laughs first loses". I REALLY enjoy spending time with you. You are calm, funny, respectful, and trustworthy. You make my heart smile. I adore you.

My Dearest Haley,

 Welp...here you are, almost 17 years old. You are so many things and the things I have enjoyed witnessing most this year are you starting your first job and getting your drivers license. There are so many life skills in both of these things and you are stepping up to this part of your life and learning the lessons that come with all of it. I love our banter. Your love of tv drama makes me laugh. Your smile lights up any space. You make managing school, work, and life look easy. I enjoy your easy going attitude. I love our tv time, not because of the show as much as just being in our space and laughing together. I love that you are now at the "adult table" at family events. I admire how in your skin you are. You are wise, fun, witty, and a life cheerleader for others. You make my heart smile. I adore you.

Now it's my turn! This was big year in a lot of ways. This year I have felt the most settled in my life than I have in many years. I have been independent for 6 and 1/2 years. The journey cannot be replaced. I feel a huge calm in knowing that my kids are good. They are not just good. They are great. Josh and I worked hard to make sure they knew they were our center and it's clear we accomplished our goal. I feel very proud of that. Very. The kids and I have open and free conversations about life, present and past. It all feels warm and good and right. I am truly happy and fulfilled and have been for years. This year was different in that I opened my heart for the first time since it was broken. 

Shawn was an eye opener for me. He showed me I could feel love again and, even more, that I can be loved and adored for every aspect of me. He was a huge gift. He made me laugh (hard), challenged my thinking, was adventurous  and so damn fun.  He was a very good man. He also showed me that I still choose me over things I cannot invite into my life (f**k addiction). Although the decision was clear once I knew, it was a very hard walk when I walked away. I know there are clear reasons why we met 8 months before he suddenly passed- we gave each other gifts that changed both of us. I will NEVER forget him or what we shared. 

Another year in the book for the crew. Life is good, even when it's challenging. I love this family!