A Letter to My Family 2020

 

Dear Family,

Normally this letter is written on the last day of the year. I loaded these pictures in to write the letter over December break. It is March 2nd. This is very telling of how the last year has been during the pandemic.

I never thought I'd be writing those words, "during the pandemic." But here we are. A year into this and I am just now writing my letter to you because this year has been like nothing else.

Each year I usually write a separate part of the letter to each of you. But this year I have so much to say to both of you that I am going to just keep this letter different than the rest.

To put it simply, you have left me even more in awe of you this year. You each were in your groove in life- finally settling into your first years of middle school and high school. Finding more independence. Hanging with friend groups. Then COVID 19 hit and turned it all on its side.

There have been unexpected hardships to overcome- the huge interruption to your school and social lives, a mostly isolated summer, the start of a new school year online, navigating classes and expectations and time management, the loss of seeing friends every day, the shifting of friendships, not being able to see family, and it goes on. 

You have handled it all in stride. You have been hard working and diligent. You have stayed in it and haven't let this all get you down. I KNOW how hard this has been on you.

The VERY best part of this year for me has been all of the time I have spent with you. Seeing you go about your school days, binging shows, movie nights, DoorDash. This is a time in life when you would be out and about more at school events and sleep overs. I have hated so much of this pandemic, but spending time with you and learning more about you than I would have otherwise, has been a shining light.  And Ryan, this year has brought you to new heights (5'6" and growing!)

I love you both so much. I am INCREDIBLY proud of you.

He's 12

Ryan Joshua Russell was born on June 11, 2008. 12 years of an incredible adventure! Ryan is happy, funny, sensitive. He is the most creative person I know. You can find him playing with his figures (wrestling or super hero), making stop motion, or recording a YouTube. He loves his hamster, Chubby Z and takes good care of her. He just zipped through all seasons of "The Office" and Dwight is his favorite character. He enjoys watching horror films (too scary for me!) with his dad. If there is a body of water around, he's in it. He is constantly maturing both physically and emotionally. He is still the champion of "whoever laughs first loses". Ryan is laser focused when he is working on something he finds passion in.

Ryan, I am blessed that you were born. You completed our family. You make me laugh every day. Thank you for being who you are- perhaps the best mannered young man I know, bright, fun, caring, adventurous, creative. You bring light and I love you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ry.

You are incredible.

She's 15

Haley is 15! 

She is: funny, intelligent, a good friend, goofy, IN LOVE WITH MUSIC, messy, organized (yes, both messy and organized), willing to try new things, beautiful, wise, calm, fun.

If she had an hour to spend with anyone, it would be her friends. She is connected to her school and goes to Westmont activities regularly. She loves family time. Her favorite snacks are edamame and hot Cheetohs. If she could pick one place to eat the rest of her life, it would be Chipotle. Her favorite singer right now is Harry Styles, followed by Ariana Grande. She constantly has her Air pods in when she can. She still, and always has been, a professional eavesdropper. She knows how to do school and brings home awesome report cards. In her own words she "doesn't want to be part of the drama" but does "want to know about it." She's watched all of "Friends" and "Grey's Anatomy". Her favorite friends are Camryn, Taylor, Emily, and Kaylie. She is forgetful at times and always laughs at herself. She handles mistakes and embarrassment with grace. 

She's 15 years of awesome. 

Hours old

1 year old

2 years old

3 years old

4 years old

5 years old

6 years old

7 years old

8 years old

9 years old

10 years old

11 years old

12 years old

13 years old

14 years old and SUCH an angel! haha

15!

A Letter to My Family 2019

I am going to call 2019 the year of leaps and bounds. That applies to all of us. Well, except Buddy, poor thing. Here is my annual letter to my family.


Buddy, Oh Buddy,
We love you. You are not the family pet we hoped you would be. We hoped you would feel safe in our love and care for you. We've had you for 5 and 1/2 years and you are no less skittish than day 1. You can keep growling and barking and nipping at us but we will love you still.

Ryan,

Wow, what a handsome young man you are. Your growth, in leaps and bounds, has been in many ways. The first way is in inches. You're getting so tall! You have made the huge transition from elementary to middle school. You are learning new levels of responsibilities through having several classes, taking the bus and walking home from school, and managing your assignments and due dates. You are learning more about independence and taking responsibility. You have matured so much and I stand back with pride as I observe you continue to grow. You remain the most creative human I know. You have a passion for movie making. I am in awe of the story lines you create as well as the production skills you have. I can't wait to walk you down the red carpet when you are nominated for Best Director! As Beverly Goldberg says, "You're the next Stephan (pronounced Stefawn) King!" haha. I'm very proud of who you continue to become- caring, funny, responsible- a young man of growing integrity. You are aware of the world and  sensitive to how people feel. I admire that about you.

I want you to know your worth. You are an incredible human.  I am here for you always. I love you in a way that can't be written down. I see you.  I would not change one thing about you. I pray that I am the mom you need me to be. You are my light. You are my heart. 

Haley,
Such a beauty. Your biggest growth this year has been in your sense of self. You have come into your own. I take joy in you experiencing all of what high school is about- close friendships, school events, changing relationships. You have blossomed so much- leaps and bounds, actually. You have become more of the things I saw in you as a young child- more outgoing, less shy, more confident in who you are, more solid. Your sense of humor is delightful. Your love of music is unparalleled. Your signature "kissy face peace sign" pose of 2019 should be retired and replaced by your beautiful smile. Hahaha! You are a wise young woman. I used to worry about you and your sense of peace and happiness. Those worries are long gone and now I just have normal "mom of a teenager" worries (mom worries never go away I heard). I admire how you stay clear of drama in a time that can be dramatic.

I want you to know your worth. You are an incredible human.  I am here for you always. I love you in a way that can't be written down. I see you.  I would not change one thing about you. I pray that I am the mom you need me to be. You are my light. You are my heart.

Me.

My leaps and bounds have been letting go of where I think I should be and how I think I should or should not be feeling.  I have been extremely impatient and frustrated at myself in parts of my journey because I felt I shouldn't feel certain things anymore. A good friend shared with me that life is chapters, even though we thought it would be one fluid story when we were younger and about to start our adult life.  A lot of what I believed would be, isn't. At the same time, so much is.
This year I have been truly happy. I am truly happy.  Fulfilled and at times feeling a void. Happy with moments of sadness. Surrounded by love and sometimes lonely. All of these feelings can and do coexist. They don't have to happen one at a time and feeling them does not take away from the joy and peace, which far outweigh anything negative.  I read a line in a book by Cheryl Strayed that really resonated,  "...acceptance asks only that you embrace what is true." For me, acceptance has included not only embracing what is true in how the details of my life have played out, but also allowing myself to feel  the losses when tapped into that part of my story, which is rather seldom.  I have no problem celebrating and accepting the positive feelings and need to do the same for all emotions.  It's okay and natural to have feelings of sorrow that I was living my biggest dream come true and the fate of that dream changed- because it's sad and always will be, not matter how much time passes. It doesn't just stay in the past, it is also my present. This permission to feel and not judge myself continues to liberate me. It's huge. It feels great to feel great. My life is beautifully rich.

                                 
Another year of life and growth in the books! I wouldn't change any of it. Cheers to 2020!

Cross Country and Homecoming

I know these are so late, but I am finally getting this post up.

Both kids have started at their new schools and the year has been pretty great for both. Ryan is taking the bus home and has met a new friend who is also a neighbor! He did Cross Country as a winter sport. He definitely loved the social aspect and never complained about his daily practices.

Haley has also had a great start to the school year. She seems to be very grounded in his friend network and in her academics. She is attending games and dances and is loving her high school life.She went with a big group of friends to Homecoming (HOCO these days). I went to the game with a few moms and was so nostalgic. Nothing has changed- same energy, same excitement, same, same, same.