It's that time of year again. LETTERS! From youngest to oldest...
Buddy!
We still love you so much. It's clear to me now that no matter what we do, no matter how consistently we love you and keep you from harm, you have fear. I wish I had you since birth so that whatever trauma you experienced would not have been. But for the last 5ish years and for the rest of your life, you have us- who will love you, play with you, always leave you a treat when we leave and always come home with open arms.
Ryan!
My beautiful son. I admire you while seeing another year of growth and adventure. When I say growth I mean in more than one way (you'll be taller than me in no time). I've witnessed you have more life experiences and making choices in social situations, when faced with challenges, that take you in a positive direction. When there is one step back, there are 100 steps forward-that's incredible. You love movie making and I know you will accomplish your dreams, wherever they lead you. Your imagination continues to amaze me. Your dance moves leave the whole family entertained. You are a sensitive soul and are in tune with those people around you. This year I have beamed with pride watching you swim in races, act onstage, and continue to mature into the young man you are. You are articulate in sharing your thoughts and feelings. You are kind and thoughtful. You are so funny. Your laugh is contagious! I want you to know how incredible you are. You are an amazing soul. I am here for you always. I want you to know that I see you.I want you to know that I am proud of you. I want you to know that I love you in the sunshine and in the rain. I would not change one thing about you. I pray that I am the mom you need me to be. You are my light. You are my heart. I love you, buppy toe.
Haley!
My beautiful daughter. How are you almost 14? I know I said this to you months ago, but I will say again, there are many instances in life when I am in awe of you. You have this quiet confidence in who you are. You transferred to a new school for 8th grade and you are thriving as a student. You are so funny. Your one liners keep me on my toes.Your love of music is unparalleled. You are awesome at staying organized for school and taking care of your personal things. You're not afraid to speak your mind and please know that I still know how much you carry, unsaid. I know your goal is to be more social. My words to you are, with any goal, always be yourself in the quest. I want you to know how incredible you are. You are an amazing soul. I am here for you always. I want you to know that I love you in the sunshine and the rain. I want you to know that I see you. I would not change one thing about you. I pray that I am the mom you need me to be. You are my light. You are my heart. I love you, tickle, tee.
Ok, I am already laughing that the picture I chose is in the same spot as last year when I served cocktails at Christmas. I think this is the only solo photo taken of me each year! Hahaha.
Jen!
You kind of killed it this year. You made a few goals for yourself and you stuck to them. Learning to not fear free time was by far the biggest accomplishment. In that time you experienced more self care, discovered more about what you like to do on your own, and rid yourself of the unknown feeling of extended down time. This also opened your life to more spontaneity, which lead to more personal adventure. This year you were consistently happy in the core, even when there were unhappy moments. You didn't apologize for who you are to anyone. You spoke your truth, with kindness, more than you ever have and without fear. You opened yourself more. You are a happy person when you feared you may not ever experience true happiness again. You know that you are someone who still believes in love and wants it for herself, but more importantly, that your life is rich and happy and bursting with light as a solo act. So many core fears erased with your constant work on yourself, including accepting and loving exactly who you are. Not sure it gets much better than that, and then it always does. You know how blessed in life you are with your incredible village of souls, both here and gone from here. Keep on keeping on. You're all good lady.
Cheers to 2019!
