Whatever lives inside every mother that flushes your whole being when you see injustice for you kid, it's a beast. It's hot and alive and real. And that beast was tapped last night.
We were at a lovely get together with a bunch of families we didn't know. Kids were everywhere, running around and having fun. I kept an eye on my two as I knew they didn't know anyone else there and all the kids knew each other from school.
This situation is never 100% comfortable. Even as an adult, I sometimes am challenged with how to include myself in a conversation already happening among people I don't know, etc. Very few times did I feel that twinge of discomfort, but they happened.
A couple of times Haley didn't know where to place herself, so she would come get food or chat with me for a bit. Then she wold see her opportunity to get back in the mix and take it. Kids were in and out and all about. They moved in masses:)
Then it was time for dinner. Our gracious host had set up large tables out in the courtyard. It was so lovely and she outdid herself. Ryan sat at a table with no one else and then Haley sat down next to him. I encouraged them both to sit at the other table that had kids there. Ryan said "no", Haley said "ok".
She grabbed her plate.
She walked over to the table where there was one seat left.
She sat down.
Right when her rear touched the chair, the other 6-7 kids
got up and moved to another table.
THIS.WAS.REAL. I had never seen anything like this in real life. Ever. Never. It was like a scene from a movie or a tween Disney show that exaggerates every action to make a point. This truly happened and I looked at Haley and I saw a twinge of her surprise and then her trying to be cool about it. Because she had never seen this before. Ever. Never.
And there it was. The beast. The bear. The dragon. The warrior. It's this crazy feeling that is all encompassing when I see injustice, especially with my kids. I wanted to march over there and toss the table and point out to every single kid what they had just done and ask how they would feel if it was done to them. I wanted to hug my daughter and apologize for what had happened.
And, of course, I did none of those things. Because they are kids. All of them. They were following a leader's lead. They wanted a different person to fill that extra seat, so they moved to the other table when that person came to sit, right when Haley did. It wasn't about being thoughtless toward Haley. It was about wanting to sit by a certain someone. They didn't mean to hurt anyone and that's exactly why it was important for me and the kids to talk about later. We always need to be aware in social situations.
Other kids came to sit at the table with Haley. Another boy sat with Ryan at the 3rd table. The mom approached me and complimented Ryan for inviting her son to sit with him. She said she watched all of it and was mortified, but that there is a certain dynamic with a few kids at the school that comes through at these events. She praised Ryan again and her older son included Haley when playing. And, as quickly as it had happened, they were off playing again. The mom and I talked some more and I could tell she was tired of this story that seems to repeat itself when the kids are all together. She said if she had one more glass of wine, she would've lost it. She definitively made me feel validated and I didn't even need to say anything at all!
On our drive home, the kids talked all about the "one" girl who wasn't very nice but everyone followed. It was the person everyone got up to sit by. She was mean to the younger kids. On and on and on. We took the opportunity to talk about our own values. And what we would do if we experienced that again, or saw someone left out, or (insert injustice here). We spoke again of our family motto,
Russells have integrity..
The kids both talked about how they had fun, that this dynamic didn't ruin their time. And I fully believe them. They talked about all sorts of funny things and fun moments. I KNOW it was bigger for me than them.
Just wait until they have kids and feel their bear, dragon, warrior.
It is a fierce ass beast.
