11

She was born eleven years ago. February 16, 2005 was a day that changed many loves forever!

 Total Charlie Brown cake! She loved it, but it seriously fell apart.

Eleven. Haley Rose is eleven years old. 

Eleven years of that smile.

Eleven years of being a parent.

Eleven years of having a heart outside of me. One who walks and talks and lives.

Eleven years of joy and worry and heartache and thrills and pride like I have NEVER felt before.

Haley, you are wise beyond your mere 11 years. I became a different woman the day you were born.

You make me so proud. You make me a better person. You are intelligent and strong and funny and clumsy and lively.

You are my light, my beautiful daughter. 

Cheers to eleven years!

Everybody Has Shit

Grandpa Irving always used to say this. Honestly, when he would say it, my biggest problem I had ever experienced was my brother's addiction and incarceration. I always thought, "oh, hell yeah I'd take my problems back." Haha. I have always been the person that people come to with their problems. Although I never really had issues myself, I was incredibly empathetic and would lose sleep or feel complete compassion for people.

As life happens, I have realized more and more that EVERYONE has shit and that IS part of life. I look around me and at all the people in my life and am in awe of what people have endured, survived, and are going through. Some things are so extremely tragic. Other things were smaller, but real, obstacles that people had to overcome. But I cannot find one person in my life who has gotten away scott free of real, true, life problems.

And honestly, the saying is so true for me- compared to what some others have lived or are living, I'd take my problems back in a heart beat. 

I have been learning so many lessons that others had to learn so much earlier in life than I had to. I wonder why we experience things in the time of life that we do? I truly wonder. 

Over my years of being there for others, I have been a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on and one who offers words of comfort or advice. It brings me peace to know that the words I have offered to others, words I truly believed in when I said them, have come back to help me in this huge, unexpected life change. Damn! I can find peace in all of this. I can find the calm in the storm. I am learning SO MUCH about my core self and in turn, who I am to my kids and to my friends, and to my family, and to my work community.I was compassionate before. I am even more compassionate now.

...Because EVERYONE has shit. It's part of life. It either makes you or breaks you and no one around me is broken. We all survive. Most of us thrive. 

Life has so many lessons. Realizing that every person has struggles- real challenges- is a huge lesson I want Haley and Ryan to know. 

Life can be unexpected, but you don't have to let it take you out. 

7 Ways to Let Go and Move On

A good friend sent this to me today. I want to capture this message and bottle it and live it and model it for my kids. I don't think I've read anything more true and more aligned with what I already believe. Not to say that these things are easy, but they ARE necessary in order to live the life we are meant and deserve to have. 

Life is always changing- in both major and minor ways. I have already read this article 3 times. I know I will read it hundreds more. It resonates so much.

You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is. This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc.

It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you.

The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits. The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values. So you cherish all the memories, but find yourself letting go and moving on.

If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit awkward, and that’s OK. This feeling is normal. I’ve been right there with you on more occasions than I can count.

The key thing to realize is that holding on is like believing that there’s only a past; letting go and moving on is knowing in your heart that there’s a bright future ahead. Let’s take a look at seven ways to design the latter.

1. Accept the truth and be thankful. – To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow. It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead. It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes, to trust your intuition, to learn as you go, to realize that every experience has value, and to continue taking positive steps forward.

2. Distance yourself for a while. – Sometimes you need to take several steps back in order to gain clarity on a situation. The best way to do this is to simply take a break and explore something else for a while. Why? So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes. And the people there may see you differently too. Returning where you started is entirely different than never leaving.

3. Focus only on what can be changed. – Realize that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood. Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change. Focus exclusively on what you can change, and if you can’t change something you don’t like, change the way you think about it. Review your options and then re-frame what you don’t like into a starting point for achieving something better.

4. Claim ownership and full control of your life. – No one else is responsible for you. You are in full control of your life so long as you claim it and own it. Through the grapevine, you may have learned that you should blame your parents, your teachers, your mentors, the education system, the government, etc., but never to blame yourself. Right? It’s never, ever your fault… WRONG! It’s always your fault, because if you want to change, if you want to let go and move on with your life, you’re the only person who can make it happen.

5. Focus inward. – It’s important to make a difference in the world. Yes, it’s important to help people, but you have to start with yourself. If you’re looking outside yourself to find where you fit in or how you can create an impact, stop and look inside yourself instead. Review who you already are, the lifestyle you’re currently living, and what makes you feel alive. Then nurture these things and make positive adjustments until your current life can no longer contain them, forcing you to grow and move beyond your current circumstances.

6. Change the people around you when you must. – Some people come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them. They are supposed to be part of your memory, not your destiny. The bottom line is that when you have to start compromising your happiness and your potential for the people around you, it’s time to change the people around you. It’s time to join local meet-ups, attend conferences, network online, and find a more supportive tribe.

7. Focus on today. – You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future. Figure out what the next positive step is, no matter how small or difficult, and take it. Ultimately, the only thing you can ever really do is to keep moving forward. There’s no point in denying that things are different now, or being fearful of the next step. Life only moves in one direction – forward.

Who Is Jen?

Isn't this the greatest billboard? It's in San Francisco. Sure, it's an underwear ad, but to me it spoke volumes.

A couple of summers ago, my mom and I were driving home from a few days away with women family members (post to follow). It was a rich weekend filled with laughter and serious discussions. On our drive home we posed the question, "Really, who am I?"

It's easy to say I am a mother, a teacher, a friend, a daughter, a sister. But what about beyond that? What is my purpose? Who am I really? What am I really?

This question was posed while I had my Oprah weekend experience as well. I got some clear visions during a meditation that weekend.

During the meditation, Deepak Chopra (yes I am still in awe that I was in his presence) posed the questions, one at a time:
"Who are you? What do you want? What are you grateful for?"
He asked these questions and the follwing answers came immediately.

"Who are you?"- love

"What do you want?"- love

'What are you grateful for?"- and I had this clear vision of taking a picture of my little family. Just as I was about to snap, someone else in my life would say, "wait! wait! I want to get in." I kept taking a step back and refocusing my camera and soon I was back so far and the picture was so wide that I could barely see everyone. I am incredibly grateful for the people in my life.

So, as my journey continues I continue to answer the question- I am love. I am light. I am healing to myself and others. I am strong. I am soulful. I am compassionate. I'm a good dancer (had to throw that one in- seriously, have you seen me on the dance floor?- haha).

Who is Jen?  I am learning who I am every single day.

I mean- the question is so big it requires a billboard!

The True Meaning of Thanksgiving

In our family we do a lot of work in being grateful. We show our gratitude daily. This year Josh included the kids in some charity work he was doing through his job. The kids helped purchase whole turkeys to donate to families in need.




This is my ultimate goal for the kids- to live with gratitude in their souls. I know I didn't truly have it until adulthood. I think that it's a concept to be grasped beyond our youth. However, we can do all we can to ensure that they have experiences that show us how truly blessed we are. Every day we share things we are thankful for. It's a start. I love that they did this.

They also baked this year! Haley made the pecan pies and Ryan made the lemon bars. They were both delectable.

Although this was a different Thanksgiving for us, the true meaning of the holiday was not lost.
We are so very blessed with a rich life.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Every year I do a lesson with my students about MLK Jr. By 6th grade, they know the basic story so we work on different aspects of his life. We talk about what life would be like had the Civil Rights movement not occurred.

It reminds me of Haley and the day she first learned about King in kindergarten. We were at the dinner table and she explained that there was a time when kids couldn't just play with anyone they wanted- that schools were separated by the color of the students' skin. She listed example after example of ways her life would be different. At the end of the conversation she said, "Mommy, think about it. If Martin Luther King didn't change things, you wouldn't be able to be sitting at the dinner table with us."

We cracked up! This is also when every time she drew a family picture, she would draw her and Josh and Ryan with a peach crayon. When it was time to color me in, she would drop that crayon and grab the brown one.

This still makes me chuckle!

Haley's Award- 5th Grade

Haley received an award at school in October. Here she is with her teacher (crazy hair day- not her normal look). So, so proud of Haley for being "enthusiastic in all areas of school." We always tell the kids that school is their workplace. When they are there we expect them to do their personal best. It fills me with pride when my kid is recognized for his or her work at school.


Here she is with her friends on Twins Day. Haley has made such good friends in elementary school. I remember them in kindergarten and here they are- young ladies!
Thanks to Trish for buying them these cute shirts.