We all have insecurities. It's human nature. The beautiful thing about getting older, or maturing, is that I know what my faults are. One of them is that I know that I need to lose weight. With that said, I want to add that I have a great sense of humor, at least I think I do.
Earlier this week I had a physical. I have promised myself that once a year I will go in for a physical and get all of my numbers. I did this a couple of years ago and it was so informative. I like getting a clean bill of health. When I went a few years ago it was to a different physician that my regular one. So, he hadn't seen me in years.
He has the worst bedside manner I have ever seen. This is why while I was sitting there I was thinking, do not laugh in his face. Am I on Candid Camera? Do not laugh out loud. If I was a comedian I would be getting the best material.
He said plenty of good things about my health, but that's boring. Some of my favorite statements, questions and my responses (when I wasn't silent trying to hold back the laughter) are as follows:
"Do you have sex with your husband?"
"Yes"- (and a few guys on the side.) -Wish I had said that.
As he is looking at my charts over the years, "You're supposed to lose weight after having babies, not gain it."
"You're telling me."
"Have you noticed any facial hair?"
"Yes." Let me pause and say that it's crazy that I am at an age when this is a normal question and even crazier that I had to answer yes. I mean, what's up with the hormones and the 2 regular whiskers? The best way to make a woman feel the opposite of feminine is to add hair to her face.
I then talked to him about a soreness in my quad I got after a run. It had not gone away like a sore muscle. He checked me out and said I need to work on my flexibility. I have never been flexible and have only started yoga in the recent years. I know this important on so many levels for health.
He then explained to me why I have big thighs (with a visual using his two hands to demonstrate the width of them) and a "figure of a body builder" as he squatted a bit and put his arms and legs out wide.
I almost lost it. If this was 10 ears ago I would have been fighting back tears. At 36 I was fighting back bursting out in laughter. He was just so serious while he explained my "squatty" stature and why flexibility will make me leaner.
It was a visit for the books. I am there to get my numbers and know where I am with my health. As I was laughing out loud in the car on the way home, I felt so great that I was not crushed by all of it. I am in a fabulous phase in my life.
Well, minus the facial hair.
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